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30 June, 2010

Death Of Illusions

By now, you would notice that I enjoy reading a lot. Among the different category of books, I treasure reading autobiographies (but not that much on biographies). Then, Martin Luther King Jr. is one of the person I respect and adore. He did not really write an autobiography, but his wife provided the collections of his writings, recordings, and documentary materials to Clayborne Carson and to compose and edit into a book which named as An Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr.


There are many paragraphs which touched my heart, especially when you imagine you were in the same place as him and need to endure the challenges (including life threatened incidents) and threats were made against not only him, but his family and kids.

On 15th September, 1963, four young black girls were killed (by explosion) in Sunday school at Birmingham's Sixteenth Street Baptist Church. To their families, he said:

It is almost impossible to say anything that can console you at this difficult hour and remove the deep clouds of disappointment which are floating in your mental skies. But I hope you can find a little consolation from the universality of this experience. Death comes to every individual. There is an amazing democracy about death. It is not an aristocracy for some of the people, but a democracy for all of the people. Kings die and beggars die; rich men die and poor men die; old people die and young people die; death comes to the innocent and it comes to the guilty. Death is the irreducible common denominator of all men.

I hope you can find some consolation from Christianity's affirmation that death is not the end. Death is not a period that ends the great sentence of life, but a comma that punctuates it to more lofty significance. Death is not a blind alley that leads the human race into a state of nothingness, but an open door which leads man into life eternal. Let this daring faith, this great invincible surmise, be your sustaining power during these trying days. 

There are a lot of strength and power inside these two paragraphs! Whenever you feel weak and need something to support you, read these two paragraphs and you shall gain the positive power.    

29 June, 2010

Paraguay Versus Japan!

It's a spectacular match and both teams played extremely well. Japan, in my opinion, is more solid and firm while Paraguay surely very competitive. The whole 120+ minutes are filled with sweats (keep in mind the outside temperature) and passionate hard works. Disregard how well the team played, the rule of the game decided that it requires the penalty-shot (the first time in this year's FIFA) to define who is the winner of this game. Yuichi Komano took the third shot, and it's a hard shot slightly up and hit the upper bar, or you may say, the shot is missed! Meanwhile, Paraguay managed to get all 5 shots in (and Japan didn't take the 5th shot and thereby the official result becomes 5 to 3). Then, there was the emotional moment, and eyes of the Japanese players, staff and fans were wet, and you can surely imagine, Yuichi Komano's feeling ... the sinner who missed the shot, his teammates tried hard to comfort him. With great sympathy, I would also like to hug Komano and tell him that "You have played very hard and very well in the 120+ minutes and the whole process was such a joy. Okay now the result is finalized and the fact of life is Japan did not get into the next round, it's perfectly okay, it's a game well played and well enjoyed!"

Gifted by God, I am now an example of walking miracle, a terminal stage (Stage IV) cancer survivor. There are quite a few contributing factors to this result, but more important, as you may have observed since the beginning of this Blogger, it's the process we need to enjoy, with the positive attitude, filled with positive energy. More important is the process, and of course, if the result is in your favor, it's even better. But my friends, the result may not be always in your favor. We need to be prepared if it turns the other side, but still you enjoyed the process. Like Japan, the sweats mixed with tears, but it's well worth the hard work!


Last evening was originally meant for a social gathering among college boys. We planned for only healthy dishes: green salad, salmon steak and angel cake (with strawberry and ice cream on the side). It turned out to be a celebration of the miracle as well as good health for everyone!

28 June, 2010

Love, Life And Things That Can Happen In Between!

Another CT-Scan was done on 22nd June, 2010 in BCCA and this early morning I returned to BCCA to check on the result. Cautiously, I did not set very high hope on it. I was little concerned that the higher the expectation, the bigger the disappointment. On the other hand, I certainly did not go to the other side of the balance (the pessimistic side) because you should know me well by now, I am not an easy guy to give up (on anything)!

Last night, I did not sleep too deeply. There were a lot of snap-shots appearing and then disappearing. I knew well that they were not dreams but merely bits and pieces from my human hard disc. Last week, I talked to Olivia, Leo and Esther individually about my feelings towards the result and I am very glad that they all took it well and, like me, they also did not really bother about the result as naturally we have to accept what may come back. Even we would get a good result, and now that I have Mr Cancer visited me, there are no guarantee that he will not come back any moment in future. We learned and are still learning how to deal with him (and other life issues) and we should be prepared to deal with him for a prolonged period of time.


Sometime my feeling is like a seagull trying to find a shore to have a rest. It has been flying non-stop over the sea for a very long time, exhausted, starved and would like to just stop somewhere and have a rest.

Here come the result, the doctor said "Most of them (the cancer) are gone, and we consider this a miraculous recovery. Congratulations!" Then, she handed me the CT-Scan report which I studied in details. All I can say is "Praise The Lord who granted me a second life to live!" And thank you for everyone of you, who have supported me during this period of time. Thank you for all your prayers, which I continuously need them!

I am reminded that I need to continue to take good care of myself, be it my diet or my still stretching spines and ribs. My breathing is still an issue to work on, while the side effects of the drugs are still obvious and need to be taken good care of. I will still be having the pain and therefore the pain-killers, while the damaged bones will never be recovered and I need to learn to "live with them". There are a number of activities that I am unable to handle but some I may seek improvements.

You may still remember that when Esther and I learned about the cancer in late February, we didn't react much and it was kind of peacefulness we found in ourselves. Of very similar nature, we also feel peacefulness with us this morning. We smiled to each other and then hold our hands tightly together! It's clearly a blessing from HIM and all of you! Thank you and thank you!

27 June, 2010

The Ten Commandments For Mothers

Last evening was very nice when old friends gathered and everyone brought with them the best dishes. One other reason that I enjoyed "home visit" is that you can observe how other families organize their furniture, or decorated their house, so you can also seek improvement for your own. More, there are usually some interesting "small stuffs" that you can observe and can be very meaningful to you and others. Here is two little examples.

The first one, it simply says "God could not be everywhere, so HE created mothers!"


Then, on another wall, there is The Ten Commandments For Mothers:

1) You shall know that God selected these children for you, and you for them, for a special reason.

2) You shall remember how to be a child again - laugh, play, sing, dance, pretend.

3) You shall not worry about messy faces and places.

4) You shall pray daily for patience, energy and strength.

5) You shall affirm your children's feelings, but be firm with their behavior.

6) You shall instill in them respect for you, themselves and others.

7) You shall give your children roots - grounding them in faith and tradition.

8) You shall give your children wings - teaching them how to fly on their own.

9) You shall show and tell them you love them every day.

10) You shall entrust them into the Father's hands.


For all the mothers in this world, for their tremendous love and care to their children and husband!

26 June, 2010

Photography And Me!

"A picture worth more than a thousand words!" and "The picture tells you all!" are two famous saying that attracted me into photography. I also find a picture (photograph) is more attractive and illustrative than a long narrative chapter and definitely more interesting to watch. To start with, I treasured news reporting photography, i.e. those photographs which go along side the news reports, and later on, we are so used to TV news reporting that basically we are watching as the news developing (and it's not a static photograph any more).

Then, when I was 14 years of age, I started to learn the basic skills of photography from various teachers and also joined a few competition. In those years, learning photography was a very expensive hobby. The camera, the lens, the ancillary tools, the film, the developing solutions (used inside the dark room) and the photographic papers, etc. As a poor family's child, I could not afford this expensive hobby and needed to take in more part-time jobs and cut some spending. I borrowed the camera and tools from other classmates and consumed mostly the "bulk pack" film and photographic papers (they came in larger quantity and then we re-packed them into smaller unit, the saving is significant). Some of the part-time jobs were related to photography. For example, we worked in weddings and special events, I also worked as "assistant photographer" in some production house, what this meant is to hold "reflective board" the whole day, and if you have tried to hold something up in the air, say as light as 1 kg in weight, for 1 hour non-stop, it is not hard for you to notice that the blood circulation usually stop after a few minutes and when you put your hands down, you would have no feelings of them still belonging to you. Some of the teachers are very good and famous (and humble), some of the teachers had their own special characters. Bits and pieces, I learned different things from them.

Unfortunately, I cannot afford to continue enjoying photography after working. It's a very time consuming hobby and expensive. Thanks to the digital technology, in the last 10 years, I start to pick up and enjoy photography again as now both time and money can be more affordable. The dark room is totally gone and simple photograph fixing can be done by a few easy clicks. There are no need to buy films and photographic papers (as we now use memory cards and we seldom develop photographs). Even one did not take a good picture at the spot, it can still be fixed (though I am still against the idea of re-touching the photographs). There are so many things to learn in this digital age, and therefore we need to keep upgrading ourselves by attending lectures and seminars.


Last evening, I attended the Friday lecture organized by the local photographic club. It discussed the skill of using high ISO, the mix of flash light with stage light and offered some very practical advices in getting the job done. Using this picture above as an example, the camera were set with the highest ISO value (1250), and maximized the white-balance (+2) and the shutter speed was high. Then, even when all the curtains were closed, only a slide projector was on, and when the outdoor light was dim (at 9:00pm), the picture was still filled with natural lights and no flash is required. Keep in mind that now the camera's ISO can go easily to 6400 or even 12800, we can basically take any kind of photographs in any environment. The "noise" after boosting up the ISO is actually not bad as you can see in this photo. 

The latest technology really makes the life more interesting. Especially in photography, the more I learned, the more joy it brings to my life! More, I enjoyed returning and meeting old friends since last Christmas. Thank you guys and thank you for all your prayers, love and care!

25 June, 2010

Life - Like Making A Cake!

Making a cake is no easy task. The ingredients, their quantity and composition, the methods to mix them together, the temperature of the oven, the tools being used (and how they are used), the time inside the oven and how long to keep them inside after the oven is switched off, how to cool it down (upside down), and how to take it out of the container without damaging the cake, and how to present it to your friends (so that they can enjoy the cake even better). Not to say that some people like the cake to be sweeter, some would prefer the cake to be more puffy inside, and some are very specific about the appearance of the cake, etc. In short, it is no easy task to make a "good" cake.


The picture above shows you how a "good" cake should look like. Gifted by God, our family are being looked after by various friends and relatives. The above angel cake was made by Katherina, very puffy, not sweet (which we prefer) and with the brownish appearance. This cake now becomes Olivia's favorite, and Esther is still learning how to make similar quality ones (and is progressing well).

Like life, it is no easy task. We need to learn a lot of skills, keep a right and proper balance, endure the ups and downs, and continue to learn and being educated. We doomed to have failure from time to time but then it's important to stay positive and be confidence that we are able to overcome any challenges. Or even we lost the fight, the positive energy will make the fighting process more enjoyable!

It would be nice, of course, if we can finally win the race and enjoy the harvest as well, like in this case, isn't it tempting by looking at the photo that you prefer to have a bite on the beautiful, beautiful angel cake? Hahahah!

24 June, 2010

Not Yet! A Memoir of Living and Almost Dying


In 2001, Wayson Choy (the Author of this book) suffered a combined asthma-heart attack. This book is the detailed account of what he went through, from the ICU to his recovery. Mr Choy's writing is very clean and I like his twist of humor from time to time, and some you may call it "dark humor" (and it's a typical Chinese way of humor). He also wrote a few other famous books, such as The Jade Peony and Paper Shadows, which I found them through the local library and now reading them.

Mr Choy recorded his feeling in writing this book that may echo in some of your minds "I thought this memoir of living and almost dying would be complex, difficult, that because I am not religious in any traditional sense, my memoir would be full of insecurities and dark perplexities. Instead, after much incubation and wondering, the storyteller in me took over: in story, I found meaning I came to embrace the notion that there is joy and purpose in living one's life as everyday adventure, one enlightened moment after another." ... ... There is joy and purpose in living one's life as everyday adventure, one enlightened moment after another!


In the under-cover of the book, Joseph Conrad (A Personal Record) is quoted "Only in men's imagination does every truth find an effective and undeniable existence. Imagination, not invention, is the supreme master of art as of life." You agree?

23 June, 2010

Can We Eat To Starve Cancer?

Dr William Li, the founder of Angiogenesis Foundation, under the invitation of TED, has made a speech on above topic "Can We Eat To Starve Cancer?" ( http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/william_li.html )

The 20 minutes speech has provided us, the Cancer Fellows, some very useful information, e.g. the theory about how cancer cells grow (metastases) and become harmful, the concept of anti-angiogenesis and how it may help in fighting cancer, the new drugs in this direction, how (and what) we may eat to starve cancer, as well as how it may help in obesity (another alarming medical issue affecting 9% of world population).

My favorite part is on the diet management. In fact, under the encouragement of some Cancer Fellows, I have started this diet management a few months back. In a nutshell, eat/drink more of fruits and vegetables (and I also cut red meat and sea foods with shell) while still continue to consume white meat (especially fish). I also conducted some more research through the internet and discovered some minor variation on what kind of fruits/vegetables to eat/consume versus different kind of cancers (e.g. lung cancer should avoid having carrot). Like Dr Li said in his speech, this diet (change) can be based on local crops, and therefore it is inexpensive and sustainable. (*I actually have my reservation of people seeking and eating expensive processed health food products, or some called alternative medicines/supplements.) 

The basic idea is "to take good care of yourself", know what you are doing (and eating), and work closely with the professionals (your doctors, etc.). The body (and life) is yours to take good care of. No one can do a better job than you!


A few of you are so eager to see the trophy that was mentioned in the Sing Tao interview. Above is the one, it says at the bottom "They don't make Dads like you any more!".

22 June, 2010

Treasure What You Have ... Treasure Today!

Olivia's posting yesterday touched my heart (as well as many others). It's a simple posting but yet it's the true feeling that touches people. Treasure what you have (and not to complain what you don't have) and treasure today (to the fullest).

On the Father's Day, the Life-O-Life Team still went for their Sunday cycling gathering, this time in Iona Beach. We met at their coffee break location and took the below photo ... pretending that we joined the cycling gathering as well. David, Frankie and Clement bought their new bikes the day before and it's the very first time the bikes were tested on the actual road conditions.


Then, Leo bought our family the lunch. It's summer holidays and Leo is working his summer job nearby. He is good in making his savings and if he would like to be an accountant, he should be able to do his financial planning (and saving) well. Being a father, I am very glad that Leo knows early the importance of making a saving and financial planning. Olivia is also cautious in her spending, except that being a girl, and guess it's more in the genes, that girls need to keep the balance of being trendy (and good looking) and controlling her budget. She is also fond of the latest tech gadgets, such as iPhone4. These toys can be very expensive.

After the Sunday evening mass, Esther and I were invited to join a social gathering (on Father's Day) and by the time we got home it was kind of late. Olivia showed me what she wrote for me and I immediately asked her if she would like to publish it on my Blogger. She accepted and then posted it on the Blogger.

Today's afternoon, I am returning to BCCA for the CT-Scan. This result will show if my body conditions have improved or not, and if the new drug has worked magic on my body. The consultation will be done on 28th June with the chief oncologist, which I would then know the result of the CT-Scan result performed today.  My feeling is good though I cannot be too sure about what's inside of me!

Like what Olivia said: "No matter what happens in the future, no matter what the test results might be, we will get through them together. Good or bad, happy or sad, we will stay strong, as a family."

20 June, 2010

To My Dad ... On Father's Day :)

To an ordinary family, a photo like this can easily be taken. In my mind though, our family is extraordinary. After all that has happened these past months, I have learned something important ; just because someone is alive and well in front of you one day, doesn’t guarantee that they’ll be okay the very next day. Treasure what you have.

To have a man this strong as my dad, is definitely a blessing. No matter what happens in the future, no matter what the test results might be, we will get through them together. Good or bad, happy or sad, we will stay strong, as a family.

You are truly my hero, Dad.
Happy Father’s Day :)


A Special Father's Day

To our family, Father's Day is no different than any other day, as we would like to enjoy everyday rather than enjoying only special occasions. However, thank you to Daniel Tse of Sing Tao Daily (and Kathryn Tung who made the introduction), this year's Father's Day is a special one as the interview appeared in yesterday's Sing Tao Saturday Magazine.



The interview was done two weeks ago and I did not expect it to appear a day before the Father's Day. Then, the way that it's done and titled "Anti-cancer Dad" which I like it a lot. All the messages contained in the article are very positive and I especially like the photo of me looking at Esther smiling. That same smile I remember, also happened when we were taking the wedding photos. The photographer at that time (22 years ago) told us that we should not look directly at the others as the result would not be good. We should look at the air in front of us at an angle while we should be pretending that we were looking at each other ... and smiling! (Hahahah!) But looking at this photo this time, it's definitely okay to look at each other directly and the beauty of it is the feeling is true and the smile is also true and not pretending.

Another picture that Daniel chose, which is also my favorite, is the one taken by Esther Gan, of Esther and I walking on the sand (Spanish Bank) and holding hands in hands. This time, the picture is used as the back-drop and occupied two full pages.

I was asked this question and I still have no answer to it "If I will be around next year same time?" Though it is not important as this year's Father's Day is now part of the memory and this special article certainly serves a great purpose and meaning for me (and Esther)!

Thank you Daniel, thank you Kathryn, thank you Esther (Gan), and thank you all who provides me with all these wonderful memories!

19 June, 2010

You Will be Missed!

Tomorrow is the Father's Day! To make this year's Father's Day special is because of my diagnosis of cancer and the proclamation my life expectancy of 6 to 8 months (counting from end February, 2010). It's kind of hard and harsh to predict what would happen in 12 months' time, especially when the possibility of the odds are there and being defined. For a guy (like me) who is used to organizing and planning, it's a surprise that he is unable to stand firm for things of a year's time-line. Though, what I learned, and now start to enjoy, is to "live the moment" and to "live the day". To feel the now, to enjoy the now, the today, the present! I am sadden when I start to think about if I am around the same time next year. My eyes water when people told me "You will be missed!" (*And lately, as you can imagine, I have been hearing this phrase many times, in some case, many times within an hour!) Then, I need to learn, it's an accurate expression of the feeling, and I should feel gifted that "I will be missed!" I then also learned how to reply, with half joking tone, I said "Don't just miss me then, try to take good care of me now!" (Hahahah!)

Yes, I mean it. I don't mind to be missed by you anytime in the future, and you know well that I cannot be too certain if I would know I am missed or you are missing me, etc. However, I am surely aware and actually feel it if you miss me now and you care about me now. All the gifts of the positive energy and the love & care that you are exercising on me!

5 ex-colleagues of mine formed a delegation. They arrived in Vancouver last Saturday (12/June) and leaving today (19/June). We know each other for 20-25 years and the relationship between us go further. It's very solid and nice feeling when we hug each other, when we can share some memories and when conversation are filled with laughter. It's always hard to say goodbye, especially when the next meeting date/time is not well defined. I still have to thank you for coming all the way just to meet me (and hug me) and the physical love & care that I experienced with first hands. "You also take good care of yourselves and have a safe and smooth trip back home!"

(The above photo was taken this morning in front of the Radisson Hotel in Richmond.)

18 June, 2010

The Needs Of the Dying

David Kessler co-authored two books with Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, Life Lessons and On Grief and Grieving. He wrote himself the book The Needs Of the Dying - A Guide for Bringing Hope, Comfort, and Love to Life's Final Chapter. As Marianne Williamson would describe that "This book serves the needs of the person sitting by the bedside as much as it does the person who is lying in the bed. In it you will find gentleness and peace in the experience of death."


The listed Needs of the Dying is indeed a good checklist for the caretakers as well as those who are dying and who would like to find out what they may be missing in their end stage of life (and therefore to make this stage more rewarding, peaceful and fill with comfort.

* The need to be treated as a living human being.
* The need to maintain a sense of hopefulness, however changing its focus may be.
* The need to be cared for by those who can maintain a sense of hopefulness, however changing this may be.
* The need to express feelings and emotions about death in one's own way.
* The need to participate in decision concerning one's care.
* The need to be cared for by compassionate, sensitive, knowledgeable people.
* The need for continuing medical care, even though the goals may change from "cure" to "comfort"goals.
* The need to have all questions answered honestly and fully.
* The need to seek spirituality.
* The need to be free of physical pain.
* The need to express feelings and emotions about pain in one's own way.
* The need of children to participate in death.
* The need to understand the process of death.
* The need to die in peace and dignity.
* The need not to die alone.
* The need to know what the sanctity of the body will be respected after death.

In the process of writing this book, David visited Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the pioneer in research of death & dying. When asked if she had any comments or advice regarding the needs and rights of the dying, she said "If we could remember to treat the living well, we wouldn't need to remember the rights of the dying; we would meet their needs naturally."

I cannot agree more! If we know how to treat the living well, both for ourselves as well as the other fellow citizens, we would manage our needs of the dying very well.

+++++     +++++     +++++

Lakers (L.A.) finally won the NBA champion this year from the tight hands of Celtics (Boston). Both teams need to fight up to Game 7 and both are very competitive and playing extremely hard. Even at the end of Session 3, I would have thought Celtics would be the champion, as Lakers were not really doing well. Then, come the last session, and under the pressure of the local audiences, Celtics was kind of giving in and compromised with their performance. Overall it was a very nice game to watch!

17 June, 2010

Sing Tao Daily On 19th June, 2010

Daniel Tse of Sing Tao Daily called me yesterday and informed me that the interview will be published this coming Saturday (19th June, 2010) instead of last Saturday (12tth June, 2010). It will be inside the magazine which will be sold together with the Sing Dao Daily. Kindly note if you are interested.

Back Up Plan?

The latest technology has provided us a lot of convenience, as well as efficiency. Things that may take us a long time to accomplish, or even things that we were unable to do, now is only a few clicks here and there. Though, nothing can replace the human brain, especially when decisions are required. Not to forget that decisions would need to be based on knowledge (the depth of knowledge) as well.

I am not really a (sophisticated) computer guy, but I like to learn new things and therefore I try to update myself by browsing through different software and websites from time to time. As a layman, I also play around with the software and learn it issue by issue, or whenever a problem arise, then I will "click around" the various icons in order to find out possible solutions ... without really knowing what solution I can get. I was told by a few computer guys that I am not alone as most of the people at my age (my generation) do exactly what I do, i.e. we learn as we get along!

Yesterday, I was annoyed by those pop-ups on my screen. As a result, I decide to "do something" using the "control panel". After a few clicks here and there, and half knowing the terms that were used throughout the software programs, I finally get rid of the pop-ups while I also get rid of one of the "drivers" of the internet card. I tried to reinstall the "driver" a few times but failed. I finally need to re-install everything, or termed as "reset it to the default settings". The mission is accomplished but I lost everything inside my computer! Gee ... everything is gone!


 Numerous times I was told to do a back-up on my computer. Yet I have not done it as a routine. I am grateful to the latest websites provider, e.g. Gmail, My Blogger, Picasa Photo Album, Facebook, etc. as they kept everything in their servers instead of my notebook's hardware. In other words, most of the information I kept outside of my notebook is still there kept safely for me!

It's a good wake up call for me (and for you?), and like our health, we have been reminded numerous times to keep it well but yet we hear these advises with half heart. When will I learn how to listen to good advises, and when will I start implementing those advises that I agree they are good? Let's start today ... it's never too late!

16 June, 2010

Another Ordinary Day!

Life is beautiful and an ordinary day is filled with joy and happiness and little things that enrich our life.

We dined out last evening in celebration of Dragon Boat Festival. It's a full meal 8 courses Chinese dinner, crab, abalone, shark fin soup, crispy duck pancake, deep fried grouper, and my favorite dessert. I must confess that it is not right to detour from my daily diet and ate a few things that I am not supposed to. Though, I am sure you would forgive me to take a break here and then. Keep in mind that the quantity that I took barely allowed me to taste sufficiently, except that I cannot escape from the temptation of dissecting a whole abalone with folk and knife all by myself. Like they say, some Chinese food you can really "die for" it! (And smile please!)

My ex-colleagues formed a delegation of five, who arrived in Vancouver last Saturday. Since then, we have been having breakfast every morning. This also means that I need to get up earlier than my routine. Yesterday, they left for tour to inner B.C. Therefore, this morning, after having my medication at 6:30am, I went back to sleep and got up by 10:00am. It's the kind of "dead sleep" as it would be phrased, totally unconscious and it's like you closed your eyes and then opened your eyes again, and in between was the sleep. Then, it's the big breakfast prepared by Esther. Then, I would attend reply to a few emails, working a few phone calls, and then reading a few things. Meantime, Esther would do me some fruit juice (as part of my routine diet). Then, lunch at home. In the afternoon, we decided to have a leisure walk in Minoru Park. The sunshine slowly came out but it was not strong, and underneath the trees inside the park, the temperature was perfect for a leisure walk. Hands in hands, Esther and I would also talk about different issues while enjoying the walk. To give you a feel of it, below is two photos taken this afternoon.



We then went to the supermarket to buy some food for dinner and also tomorrow. I actually enjoy walking around in the supermarket, to see if anything new to try, or if I can create some new dishes with the ordinary ingredients. It's a consultation process, as whatever I can dream up would need the final approval of Esther, as she is the final person who will implement it (to make it become true)!

We then enjoyed the dinner together and watched the news and TV programs.

It's an ordinary day. It's an ordinary day which is very enjoyable!

15 June, 2010

Richmond Intrepid Cycling Club - Team Life-O-Life

Immense yourself among interesting friends is one good way to enjoy life. This is specially true when you have wonderfully creative and work-hard-play-hard friends, and with their love and care, there are a lot of things can be achieved.

Gifted by God, I am surrounded with wonderful individuals who are also my friends, good friends. Sometime last year, through the dedication of David (Chong) and Eric, the Richmond Intrepid Cycling Club is formed and there are various Sunday cycling trips. This year, this club  continues to have the Sunday activities, but this summer, they all wear the team T-shirt, i.e. the Life-O-Life T-shirt. It has attracted a few attention and constantly being asked by people on the way.


From the left hand side, Eric, Frankie, Ron, David and Aiden. On 6th June, 2010, they took their bikes around in Richmond, and enjoyed their coffee break in Tim Horton. Last weekend, 13th June, 2010, they conquered Mount Seymour Demonstration Forest, 11km one way and 22km total, uphills and downhills, then downhills and uphills. Although there were some rain and trails were wet, the spirit was high and everyone enjoyed the trip. Again, it usually finished with a coffee gathering.

I really hope I can recover no sooner so that I can join you guys for all these wonderful uphills and downhills bike rides. Let me work harder in this direction!

13 June, 2010

Celtics Vs Lakers ...

Blackhawks (Chicago) won the Stanley Cup (NHL). Flyers, I must say, played very well in the last two games. The whole team tried very hard and therefore, they did not lose, they are actually No.2 of NHL and Flyers should be very proud of themselves. The last game is superb!

When I said I would also like to support Celtics versus Lakers, I did not expect that Celtics is going to take the lead against Lakers. As of this evening, Celtics indeed is leading 3 to 2 games and in the last two games, they actually played very well. On the other hand, it is clear that other Kobe in Lakers, the rest of the team are not even on par. So, let's hope Lakers players can rethink their strategy and reorganize their game plan, otherwise, we may witness another history in NBA that Celtics to win the game this year. And if you have watched today's game, you would say it is definitely the case! (And I would need to think seriously if I am going to support Lakers, as what I usually do, in the next game! Hahahah!)

FIFA 2010 finally started two days ago (11th June, 2010). I did not really watch the games, but selectively, I picked a few games and try to watch through them while I am doing something else (also called multi-tasking). Honestly, I did not really feel them as good as before, or may be like they say, "It's still too early!" I feel the pain when Argentina only scored one against Nigeria and I feel embarrassed when England could only match 1 to 1 with USA. I certainly hope they would have played better than what they did. Anyway, may be it's true that "it's too early" and they would play better at later games.

Life is filled with accidents and things that should have happened may not happen, while things that should not have happened ... happened. I don't know why (and may be I am just plain stupid), I seldom ask "why", and I usually would proceed to the next stage of "how to resolve" the issue. I usually find this approach at least can lead me to the "solution" much faster, as at least I can save the time in struggle "why". Don't get me wrong, I may still ask "why" at a later stage, or better rephrased as "to see if anything I can learn from the incident". But it's more of a priority to deal with the issues as promptly as it happens (and to reduce the pain)! Or like they say "Life is too short to complain, as life is for enjoyment!" I obviously agree with this notion! Hahahah!


You will never be able to unturn every stone. But in life, you should continue to walk tall forward and certain risks we will have to take ... whether you like it or not!

12 June, 2010

Facing Death - Embracing Life

Facing Death Embracing Life - Understanding What Dying People Want is written by Dr. David Kuhl and was published in 2006. It's more like a self-diagnosis manual and listed out a lot of questions which where us thinking deep (before we die).


Inside which in Chapter Six: Truth, there are a few paragraphs which I like.

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Knowing that one has a terminal illness may serve as a catalyst for seeking, understanding and speaking one's truth. Questions previously ignored now linger in one's thoughts. Who am I? How did growing up in my family of origin affect who I am today? and What is my unfinished business with regard to who I am in the world? are a few examples of such questions. People think about their past and present relationships, their sense of purpose, value and meaning, and their sense of connection to the universe, to all of time and space, to God. It seems that people with a terminal illness have a deep desire to know themselves and to be known by others.
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As we move toward the truth of our experience, we will inevitably learn the value of forgiveness, forgiving others, being forgiven and forgiving ourselves. Forgiveness is not only a word, it is a process. Forgiveness begins by stepping into our emotional pain, by acknowledging what the real issues are and how we feel about them. It means we can no longer deny what happened. We no longer attempt to explain it away or try to understand the other person and why the hurt might have occurred. We no longer pretend it didn't happen, trivialize its effect on us or try to forget it. It means we look att he hurt and its effect on us, that is, we look at what our lives have been like with the hurt; we also look at what our lives would have been like without the hurt.
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What do you feel now? (At times we tend to negate or trivialize our emotions. These emotions must find a place for safe expression. Otherwise, they remain denied, suppressed and/or repressed. According to Meninger, they will find a way to be expressed in other ways such as anger, fear, sarcasm, withdrawal, hostility and self-deprecation. They may also seep out of us through "rage, depression, passive-aggressive behaviors, self-abuse, abuse towards others, an inability to be effective in the world, and the inability to hae emotionally intimate relationships.")

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Towards the end stage of life, or I would debate with you that actually this should also be done for everyone, everyday for a normal life, that the truth, the forgiveness and the high level of self awareness which lead to emotional wellness (or at least a better understanding of the destructive side of human emotion). Often, I encourage the Cancer Fellows, i.e. those who are suffering from cancer like myself, try to have a clear and critical thinking ourselves, to prepare ourselves better (emotionally) and thus our Loved ones, our family and friends, would also find it easier to communicate with us. To achieve this, we can also make the End-Of-Life process more enjoyable to everyone involved. There may be moments that we would need to face the pain of cancer, or the side effects brought by our medication. But if we can truly enjoy the moments that we are together with family and friends, we are truly enjoying our life, no matter how much time we have, it's the enjoyment and the joy that can last forever. Yes, forever!

There is another Chapter Nine dealing with Experiencing Spirituality at the End of Life, but I tend not to address it in order not to diffuse the core message of today, i.e. the truth and the forgiveness!


11 June, 2010

The Poem: My Story To Share (By Nathan Gan)

Nathan Gan is the son of two of my best friends, David and Esther Gan. I am also his Godfather. He is a very intelligent kid and like reading a lot. The poem below is written by him in one of the occasion to share with his colleagues in religious gathering.


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One tells a story for others to hear
For anyone close or anyone near
They may be stories filled with light
Or they may be about moments of great plight
The moments where they stood and fight
With all of God’s love and all of God’s might
The recollection of these memories may bring pain
Or may the revival bring personal gain

My story alone seems filled with great sorrow
Rendering some of my life feeling quite borrowed
I seem to only remember the scorn
Making we wish as if I was never born
Tears I’ve cried when I went back
Eyes unfocused and body gone slack
I thought that my skin was a curse
Making my rendition of the meaning of life worse
I thought God had abandoned me
Learning my life empty of happiness and glee

Then came a huge chunk of mankind
Who saved me from darkness and pulled me from the blind
They showed me the way, the truth and the light
They told me to come follow them, and clear my sight.

Finally after all those days
With no personal cheer or personal praise
I felt love from peers for the first time
Life started having its rhyme
I changed my personality forever
And The Father and I saw eye to eye together
I truly felt I had God’s helping hand
And we eternally walk the Beach of Life with
Our feet sinking in the sand.


10 June, 2010

Conversations At Midnight

Conversations at midnight, of sub-title Coming to terms with Dying and Death, is written by a couple, Herbert Kramer, a communications consultant who was dying of cancer, and his wife, Kay Kramer, a clinical social worker. It is in the form of a dialogue between the two and in a question and answer format. The book was first published in 1993.

There are two parts which worth repeating here.

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On Death
To many of us, the consolations of religion, once so immediately available, have lost their power to explain death or comfort us with intimations of immortality or promises of heavenly reward. ...

Yet we know, though we are afraid to admit it, that death is no stranger in our own life or in the lives of those we love. As soon as we are old enough to understand the course of human life, we realize, reluctantly, that the natural process of our growing up brings us each day closer to our winding down.

From the very moment of birth, therefore, our death is an integral part of our life. Yet we disavow it, disown it, as if it were an alien to be shunned, or, if met face to face, an enemy to be defeated.

Despite our attempts to put it aside, death is always there, standing in the shadows, asking nothing more of us than to recognize it as a part of our lives, and to claim it as our own.

The Difference between Hope and Optimism
Hope is not optimism. It is a state of the spirit, and the spirit has to do with our relation to the transcendent. It tests its reality. Hope is rewarded. It stands, whereas optimism is an attitude that can be contradicted by events. Optimism is vague and non-particular. Hope is concerned with essential issues. Situations like yours challenge our thinking about the largest questions of human existence. Hope looks at all these, the limitations, the handicaps, the cruelty, and the terror and finds a light somewhere in all this darkness. Optimism is a shallower kind of blanket over things where the self is not invested. Optimism says, things are bound to get better. Hope trusts that you will be able to make them be better.

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It is interesting to note that the authors proclaimed that "it's particularly American" to avoid talking of death in the society, which I thought it was only the Asian (especially Chinese) who would like to avoid talking about death. Now I would need to rethink this proposition, and definitely it's NOT particularly American to avoid talking of death in the society, but in general.

Then, on "hope and optimism", I have to admit I don't understand what the authors are trying to elaborate "Optimism says things are bound to get better. Hope trusts that you will be able to make them be better." Do you understand?


It was one of last summer's early morning, something as early as 4:30am that my photography buddies would like to wandering around in the streets of Vancouver when nobody was around, or more precisely, when only a few people are around. 

09 June, 2010

Twenty Eight Thumbs Up!

Mr Sunny Chan, Editor-in-Chief of Evergreen News (*published by SUCCESS) visited me at the Home Care Unit this morning.


He came with great preparation. He studied the Life-O-Life Blogger and as soon as he set down, he said "I don't want to repeat what the others have covered!" The originality and the creativity that the editor-in-chief always looking for. He prepared four very good questions and the interview went very smoothly for about 45 minutes. Esther then took this picture for us, and as you can see, even our T-shirt today, the color tone matches very well with the smile on our face.

The article plans to be published in the July issue of Evergreen News. You may consider to visit your nearest SUCCESS offices to get one free copy in order to enjoy this interview.

Thank you Sunny, thank you Loretta (Chiu) and thank you SUCCESS to make this possible!

08 June, 2010

Twenty-Five Thumbs Up!


Yesterday was actually quite a special day as we have another group of visitors from Fairchild TV, Ms Audrea Chan and cameraman Mr Koo who visited the Home Care Unit in the afternoon.


The interview this time is rather different than those in the past as it's more focus on how to live the end-stage-of-life, especially on how my family is coping with the situation, how to live with the disease and how to improve the quality of life. While Esther is having the interview with Audrea, and me as the background. Funny enough, I am so glad that this time around, I am just sitting at the background and I took advantage of the time to do the Blogger posting for today, i.e. this posting. We also did a shot while Esther would need to carry a cup to my bed side for me. Not sure about how the end product would look like, but I am glad that Esther is now part of the total picture (as with her presence then the picture is now complete).  The interview this time is focusing more on "quality of life" and to encourage "open communication" so the family can also face the process with ease. As you can imagine, my role is so simple as I am the one being taken care of, while Esther's role is much more difficult as she is the one who is taking care of me in additional to other daily routines. Our family now promotes and is working towards "normalization". Esther has returned to work, though part-time (and thank you to her boss' accommodation and understanding), and I am learning and achieving how to take care of myself in most daily tasks. I like what Esther said today, "We are learning everyday!" and with this attitude we are able to achieve small improvement day by day and our quality of life is also improving on a daily basis.

This interview will be broadcast this coming Wednesday (9/June) inside the Community News program (7:00pm to 8:00pm in Vancouver). It will also be repeated at111:00pm same evening. We hope you can find time to enjoy this possibly 3 minutes long interview.

To make this happen, thank you Audrea, thank you Koo, thank you Eileen, and most important of all, thank you Esther, thank you for your love, care, and everything that you have given me! Thank you!


07 June, 2010

Twenty-One Thumbs Up!



Mr Daniel Tse of Sing Tao Daily visited my Home Care Unit this morning. He was brought aware of my story through a mutual friend. The whole interview took about an hour and we have covered quite a lot of topics and issues. Staring on my story, we then move to talk about Esther's, the caregiver, feeling. With our near death experience and our wish to prolong our life by overcoming a long of daily challenges, we contrast it with the current high suicidal incidents in Foxconn factory of Shenzhen, and why would someone prefer to cut their life short for whatever reason. We also talked about the most recent incident of the taxi driver (Derrick Bird) in northwest England, who killed 12 people, injured 25 others before turning the gun to himself. What is the value of life and how is it different from person to person? On one side, we have people loving life but yet the life is of a definitive nature and time frame, while on the other side, there are people who did not take their own or other people's life seriously and dare to cut it short per their free will.

Daniel said it's highly probable that the article will be published in this Saturday's (12/June) Sing Tao Magazine. If so, please remember to get a copy on 12/June (Saturday) then.

06 June, 2010

Two Short Stories Of Socrates

Human history is filled with wisdom and with the latest technology in hand, it's almost effortless to uncover some wisdom thoughts. Though, the critical thinking process cannot be escaped and then the implementation is usually the most difficult part. In short, it's always easy said than done (and it's always easy thought than said). Below are two stories repeated by OSHO in his book Life, Love, Laughter - Celebrating Your Existence.


Story One
When Socrates was dying he was so enchanted that his disciples could not understand what he was feeling so happy about. One disciple, Credo, asked "Why are you looking so happy? We are crying and weeping." Socrates said, "Why should I not be happy? I have known what life is, now I would like to know what death is. I am at the door of a great mystery, and I am thrilled! I am going on a great journey into the unknown. I am simply full of wonder! I cannot wait!"

Story Two
One disciple asked Socrates "Are you so certain that the soul will survive after death?" Socrates said, "I don't know." Then the disciple asked, "Then why are you feeling so happy if the soul does not survive, then ...?" Socrates said, "I have to see. If I survive, there can be no fear about it. If I don't survive, how can there be fear? If I don't survive, I don't survive. Then where is the fear? There is nobody there, so fear cannot exist. If I survive, I survive. There is no point in getting afraid about it. But I don't know exactly what is going to happen. That's why I am so full of wonder and ready to go into it. So, I don't know."

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I have read above stories at least 5 times in a row and I ask myself if I can be as happy as Socrates when I am dying (technically I am indeed in my dying process now). At least I am not sad. And then I also think I am going to give the same answer as Socrates, i.e. "I don't know!" and I admittedly agree with his logic of thinking, but I doubt if I am able to practice what he said. Often than not, I do find the gap between thinking (and agreeing) and doing rather significant and sometime the gap is so big that make things merely impossible to accomplish. But no worry, for both of above, I am going to continue trying and one day, yes, one day I shall be there with Socrates! Then,, I can say "It's nice meeting you (here)!" Hahahah!

05 June, 2010

Celebration Of Life - The Beloved Miss Erika Liu

The Vancouver Summer is charming. Outside temperature is always mild and try not to make you sweat. The blue is clear blue and the white is silver white. The air in the early morning is so refreshing that you will pay any price for it, and now it's free of charge to you. I tried to do some garden work yesterday, and may be because of this, my ribs on both side and my left arm was feeling stressed during sleep yesterday. It's a lot better after some massage this morning.


One of my colleague in SUCCESS Family and Youth Division, Miss Erika Liu, is having her Memorial Service this morning. She was checked into the emergency of VGH (Vancouver General Hospital) on 25th October, 2009, and later diagnosed of Lung Cancer Terminal Stage (i.e. same as me). Her family took good care of her and her final days were spent in hospice care home. Erika recorded her last message to us and it was played in the service this morning. The room was filled with her family, friends and co-workers, and additional chairs were needed to be added in the corridor. The photo slide show was a good one and it showed the younger version of Erika, with long hair and her tall figure always stood out of the rest of the group inside the photo. There were also a few photos taken in her farewell party a few weeks ago and it is obvious to see what lung cancer can do to a healthy person within a short time.

Esther, sitting next to me, her eyes are filled with water most of the time. Keep in mind that she barely know Erika and more she is thinking of me and herself. It's a time good for reflection on ourselves, our life and the true meaning of life!

All the Christian songs chosen today are beautiful. It's also a good occasion to meet up with various colleagues and to update them on my body condition. "Very well I am!"

Erika, thank you for your memorial service this morning. We will always remember you. And you will always be in our hearts!


04 June, 2010

Eighteen Thumbs Up!

Celtics didn't play very well with Lakers last night. It's the first game of NBA Finals and they will still be playing in Los Angeles coming Sunday for Game 2, and then back to Boston for next Tuesday and Thursday's Game 3 and Game 4. Although I have been a supporter of Lakers for years, I still would play devil and support Celtics during the game as some of the Celtics players are very good players. One of them worth mentioning is Nate Robinson who is only 5 feet 9 Inches tall, and 180 pounds. He always plays with great passion though some audience may find him a bit dramatic. Cheer up Celtics, Lakers is very strong, but you still stand a good chance to defeat them and make history!

It was beautiful sunshine yesterday and this morning is a little cloudy. The mild temperature makes my sleep even deeper and I didn't wake up until 8:35am. Esther doesn't need to work today and after the freshing up, we ate our breakfast. The angel cake made by Katherina is so beautiful and tasty that the last piece is being consumed and settled with it's tasteful memory. (*Thank you Katherina!) By 9:30am, I am already set for the telephone interview planned with famous and experienced local radio host of AM1320, Mr Lo Ka-Lai. On a row, we recorded two episodes, each of about 20 minutes long (for a program of 30 minutes in total), and a short break for each 10 minutes. Due to the good preparation of Mr Lo, and his skillful leadership during the interview, the recording went very smoothly. The two episodes will be aired on 13th June, and 20th June, 2010, both on Sunday, at 4:00 - 4:30pm, at Radio AM1320 in Cantonese. Now it becomes our tradition that I titled today's posting as Eighteen Thumbs Up! Thank you Mr Lo Ka-Lai, thank you Pavic and Jennifer, thank you for your continuous support in this Blogger and of course, like you said, I do hope all these "positive energy" can keep growing and reproducing themselves, until the day our community is fully filled with the positive energy.

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Today is June 4th, for most of the Chinese who borne before the 80s may still remember what happened 21 years ago in Beijing, or now simply called "Tiananmen Incident". Time may be able to wash away some of our memory, but some of the memories simply more difficult to be washed away. It was little hard for me to forget our marching to the Xinhua News Agency in Wanchai under typhoon signal No.8 (and later reduced to No.3). Our body was wet from head to toe and from outside to under. We set in the middle of the road, blocked traffic in both directions and holding our fists high up in the air, against the strong wind and rain, and shouting with full lung. We later, in another event, joined millions other to walk to horse-racing track inside Happy Valley. We were sitting among strangers but all were there for the same objective. There were no seats and we simply put out butt on the grass. We sang songs and shouted slogans with our full breathes. None of these could change what was happening in Beijing. After a few sleepless night and in the early morning of 4th June that we learned about the incident and what happened in Tian An Men, which is now part of our history and memory. May the dead ones rest in peace. You surely died with a clear and meaningful purpose!


This picture has won a lot of news photo award, but yet no one can identify and finally found the guy standing in front of the line of tanks. The power of this picture is more symbolic than actual, a human being with human fresh has the gut to stand in front of the troop of tanks to stop them doing something disastrous. Imagine the courage of this man, or some may rephrase it as mere stupidity. Once your will power lead your thoughts and behavior, miracles can happen! Never under estimate your ability. If you think you can, you can! And people will remember! We will remember!

03 June, 2010

The Serenity Prayer

Miranda (Ah King) shared The Serenity Prayer in yesterday's posting. Indeed, it's one of my favorite quote, especially the part of "the wisdom to know the difference". With a special note that Wikipedia's content may not be accurate and subject to any kind of challenge. I quote and unquote the below for your reference. It's often that I prefer to expand my thinking on a subject as it often brings new dimensions and view points on a same subject that we thought we know. Case-In-Point, despite I have known this Serenity Prayer for long, after reading below, I still get some new and fresh thoughts on the content of the prayer, not to mention if Dr Reinhold Niebuhr was indeed the author of this Serenity Prayer. (*It doesn't really matter to me as the key is to grasp the meaning of the prayer!)

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The Serenity Prayer
The earliest known version of the prayer, from 1937, has been found in a Christian student newsletter ("The Intercollegian and Far Horizons"), which claimed to reprint the prayer from an earlier edition of the newsletter, and attributes the prayer to Niebuhr in this form:
"Father, give us courage to change what must be altered, serenity to accept what cannot be helped, and the insight to know the one from the other."

The most popular version, whose authorship is unknown, reads:
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can change, And wisdom to know the difference."

The longest version has these additional lines:
"Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.

The prayer is frequently used by Alcoholics Anonymous, which uses it in a slightly different form. An Alcoholics Anonymous website reports: "What is undisputed is the claim of authorship by the theologian Dr. Rheinhold [sic] Niebuhr, who recounted to interviewers on several occasions that he had written the prayer as a 'tag line' to a sermon he had delivered on Practical Christianity. Yet even Dr. Niebuhr added at least a touch of doubt to his claim when he told one interviewer, 'Of course, it may have been spooking around for years, even centuries, but I don't think so. I honestly do believe that I wrote it myself.'"

His claim to authorship was supported in detail by his daughter, Elisabeth Sifton, in The Serenity Prayer (2003), where she said that her father first wrote it in 1943. In 2008, Yale Book of Quotations editor Fred R. Shapiro cast doubt on Niebuhr's claim of authorship. He demonstrated the prayer was in circulation by 1936 but not attributed to Niebuhr until 1942. However, he acknowledged the possibility that Niebuhr introduced the prayer by the mid-1930s in an unpublished or private setting. Sifton, in a response published with Shapiro's article, argues that the prayer must have come from one of the tradition's most gifted practitioners, which she believes could only be her father. In 2009, Duke University librarian Stephen Goranson unearthed the copy of the prayer from 1937 (above). In response to this finding, Shapiro conceded that "The new evidence does not prove that Reinhold Niebuhr wrote [the prayer], but it does significantly improve the likelihood that he was the originator."

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Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr (June 21, 1892 – June 1, 1971)


02 June, 2010

The Fear of Death!

Since my story appeared on the front page of Richmond Review on 27th May, 2010 (last Thursday), I received quite a few emails, as well as people came straight to me in the streets, who told me about their stories and experiences. Most of them have their own family members, in the past or now, are facing death or died, but their family members were unable to manage their own emotion at the end stage of life and thus it makes the dying process very painful and suffering for both the person and their family members and friends. With direct and personal experience through such process, they agreed with the ideas that we shall make the death and dying an enjoyable process. However, most of them still have the question of how to overcome the fear of death? If their family member, the one who is facing death, is feeling depressed, what can be done to help them release their depression? Both are very good questions, meantime, I also hope that you aware that both are very big questions and one can easily consume the length of a book to address them. But in short, allow me to try to provide you with short answers.

The Fear Of Death: Death is the biggest fear of life! If you can overcome the fear of death, you can overcome any other fear of life. The fear of death usually rooted from two reasons. First is the unknown of future, i.e. the unknown after death. Second is not exactly a fear, it's actually more of a concern of unfinished businesses, e.g. what would happen to your loved ones, what if I am not around anymore, etc. A lot of dying people openly admitted that they are not afraid of death, but they simply cannot "let go" of the attachment and feeling of their loved ones.

For the first fear, the fear of the unknown future, being religious would make things easier, as most religions provided us with a pre-determined setup, i.e. we are provided with what it would be like after death, whether we are going to heaven or hell, or we are going to be transformed into another kind of animals, etc. For those that without a religion, it may be more difficult to overcome, and I would encourage you to look up at the sky, look into the Universe, look at all those glittering stars at night, some how you shall believe that there may be something for us after death, no one on this planet Earth can give us a definite answer, but the Universe is so immense that it is stretched to infinitive and simply have unlimited boundary, it may make you believe that there are always some place for you to stay after your death. It's true that we don't know yet where we will be, but just like every night when we go to bed, we will never know where we will be wake up from (or even if we will be able to wake up at all). So, just close your eyes and have a peaceful mind, and accept that we will be in "somewhere" after death. Nothing to fear!

On the second one, about the unfinished businesses. My suggestion or even encouragement to you would be then, using your limited time, your now, your this very moment, you should try to maximize what you can do. If you think you have not loved anyone enough, then try to love them more at your remaining time of this life. There are something that you would like to do but not yet done, then try to get the task accomplished. If you are worry that your loved ones may not be able to take care of themselves, or worries or concerns that you have in your mind, then talk to them directly or even start the planning with them. You will be surprised how well they can take care of themselves, and with or without you, they are still very capable to take care of themselves. In short, whatever unfinished businesses that you may have, try to finish them with the limited time that you may have. Then, you would have no fear, no regrets!

I am saddened to hear that some of the dying ones were transformed into a totally different person. They changed from a very positive and capable person, to a depressed and despair individual. They hided themselves, and they were so down and so unhappy since the time they are informed about their chronically illness. Some of them even give up possible treatments that may be able to save their life. In other words, their negative attitude is actually destroying their life and possibility of recovery! I know I cannot make miracles, but I would like to ask you one simple question: Assuming you have three days left, and there are absolutely no way you can prolong your earthly life for even one minute more, would you spend these three days happily and satisfactorily, or would you prefer to spend these three days in depression, worrying and filled them with your tears? (*Same question can also be asked to the living ones, especially in how they are going to treat the dying one. Shall we not try to make everyone in the process happy?)

The whole purpose of the Blogger is to seek openness in the community to talk about death and dying, and hopefully, through this, we can even make this death and dying process an enjoyable one. Cancer is really not a special word anymore. It's like a household term and again, keep in mind that 50% of us will be touched by it through our life time, and 30% of us will die because of it, what makes it so special then? Being a cancer fellow myself, I am fully aware about the pain (and sufferings) that it can bring, and the side effects that the drugs, the surgery, the radiotherapy and the chemotherapy may bring. But like every lessons that we had in life, "no pain, no gain" and it's really part of the process which no one can avoid. For those that we cannot destroy, let's accept it and let's deal with it! Rather than spending time complaining, let's spend the time and effort more constructively in finding solutions and approaches to make ourselves feeling better, to improve the quality of life!

Life is never easy! But if you purposely add more difficulty to it, it will only make it more difficult, and not easier! Right? If we can start to think it easier, we stand a good chance to overcome it and at least to make ourselves less painful through the process! Right? ... ... Cheers!


I am a big fan of museums. Wherever I visited, and as long as time allowed, I would like to visit some historical sites. There you usually find some ancient sculptures hundreds or even thousands years old. They are of all different shapes and facial expressions. Using this one as an example, which was taken in Yogyakarta in Indonesia, the guy is smiling (it's present tense I am using). You may want to ask him, "Why you are always smiling?" and he will continue to smile but he is not going to answer your question. He is smiling because there are really nothing in life you should be fear of. Life is a voyage and we should enjoy it as much as we can!

01 June, 2010

Enlightenment & Wisdom and A Different Kind of Happiness

I was doing some research through the internet, and I found some works done by Dr Paul Wong in Toronto. He himself is also suffering from cancer. He is a Professor in Psychology, Clinical Psychologist, author, speaker and justice fighter. His greatest happiness is to bring happiness to the suffering people. He also organized the International Network of Personal Meaning (INPM) of website www.meaning.ca or you may want to check out www.drpaulwong.com for more of his details.

The below two abstracts are direct quotation from Dr Paul Wong's published articles. It drilled into the subject about "dark happiness" and the "new meaning of suffering". Please check it they also echo with what inside you, especially those who endured some sufferings in the past!

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Enlightenment and wisdom (By Paul Wong 2008)
It is informed by both Eastern religions (Buddhism, Taoism) and Christianity. It is related to the wisdom traditions from East and West.
  1. Contentment that the situation could have been worse
  2. The wisdom of letting go of what cannot be kept
  3. The wisdom of accepting what cannot be changed
  4. Feelings of equanimity that worst would be death, which is inevitable anyway
  5. Knowing that life is transient and that all suffering will pass away
  6. Knowing that as long as I still have life, I need to be mindful of every passing moment
Meaning and purpose of suffering
It is based on Frankl’s (1984) logotherapy and Wong’s meaning-centered counselling (Wong, 2008c).
  1. An abiding sense of meaning and purpose that makes my suffering bearable
  2. The confidence that I will not suffer in vain and that my message of hope and happiness to suffering people will find acceptance somewhere in the world
  3. The satisfaction that I may be broken, but I am not defeated
  4. I will take a defiant stance towards whatever suffering I may have to endure
  5. I am glad that I am worthy of suffering for others – that my experience of hell can open a door to heaven for people I don’t even know
The above threads of thoughts and feelings once sustained Viktor Frankl in Nazi death camps; they also sustained me in my journey to hell.
For want of a better term, the kind of happiness I have just described may be called dark-happiness, because it can only be found in the dark night of the soul. It is rejoicing in the midst of suffering. It is the process of becoming our best when we are in the worst possible situations. Such dark-happiness may be best described in metaphors. It is a tapestry of dark colors with a few bright threads. It is the rainbow after a storm, or silver lining of a dark cloud. It is the rejoicing after surviving a terrible trauma. It is the sweet aftertaste of eating something bitter. One has to feel bad before one can feel good, and one has to let go before one can receive the blessings.
Happiness through suffering can also be described as chaironic happiness, because it is an unexpected gift from suffering – a gift of new insight and an inner peace beyond understanding. It is something spiritual and transcendental, independent of the negative experiences.
There is plenty of empirical evidence supporting the above six ingredients of dark-happiness. At this point, I don’t have the strength to marshal all the empirical findings about the beneficial effects of these six factors on well-being in noxious situations.

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A different kind of happiness (By Paul Wong 2008)
The kind of happiness one finds in the noxious world is qualitatively and quantitative different from what people generally experience in the normal world.
It is difficult to understand dark happiness without personally experiencing it. It is like a lone star in a dark sky, a little wild flower beside a pile of wreckage, or a little silent stream in a desert.
But it is always there for those who dare to choose the narrow and rocky road; it is always there for those whose minds have been enlightened. Here are a few descriptors of dark happiness:
  1. It is contemplative and deep rather than energetic and upbeat.
  2. It is spiritual and compassionate rather than materialistic and competitive.
  3. It is easily contented with any reduction of pain or a return to some resemblance of normal life.
  4. It is primarily interested in maintaining a sense of equanimity no matter what happens.
  5. It seeks to wrestle some meaning from life in order to make suffering more bearable.
  6. It is rooted in faith, which is based on both beliefs and lived experiences.
  7. It is courageous and it confronts life’s adversities head-on.
  8. It is persistent and it never gives up on life.
  9. It expands your mind to transcendental and mystical realms.
  10. It approaches life with open hands and generous hearts.
  11. It hopes for the best but prepares for the worst.
  12. It says “yes” to life, even when life stinks.
  13. It is a balancing act between hope and despair, happiness and sorrow.
  14. It is a special gift in your desperation.
  15. It is resting in grace when everything else has failed you.
  16. It is singing praises while tears trickle down your cheeks.
  17. It is the feeling of being blessed while in the depth of mourning.
Is the above a description of my own emotional state, or is it a general portrait of dark happiness? I don’t know and would love to find out from others on the less traveled road.
But one thing I know for sure – no matter how unhappy or dissatisfied I am with the world condition or with my own life situation, there is always a special music in my heart – all is well with my soul, as long as I keep the faith.

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