Conversations At Midnight

Conversations at midnight, of sub-title Coming to terms with Dying and Death, is written by a couple, Herbert Kramer, a communications consultant who was dying of cancer, and his wife, Kay Kramer, a clinical social worker. It is in the form of a dialogue between the two and in a question and answer format. The book was first published in 1993.

There are two parts which worth repeating here.

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On Death
To many of us, the consolations of religion, once so immediately available, have lost their power to explain death or comfort us with intimations of immortality or promises of heavenly reward. ...

Yet we know, though we are afraid to admit it, that death is no stranger in our own life or in the lives of those we love. As soon as we are old enough to understand the course of human life, we realize, reluctantly, that the natural process of our growing up brings us each day closer to our winding down.

From the very moment of birth, therefore, our death is an integral part of our life. Yet we disavow it, disown it, as if it were an alien to be shunned, or, if met face to face, an enemy to be defeated.

Despite our attempts to put it aside, death is always there, standing in the shadows, asking nothing more of us than to recognize it as a part of our lives, and to claim it as our own.

The Difference between Hope and Optimism
Hope is not optimism. It is a state of the spirit, and the spirit has to do with our relation to the transcendent. It tests its reality. Hope is rewarded. It stands, whereas optimism is an attitude that can be contradicted by events. Optimism is vague and non-particular. Hope is concerned with essential issues. Situations like yours challenge our thinking about the largest questions of human existence. Hope looks at all these, the limitations, the handicaps, the cruelty, and the terror and finds a light somewhere in all this darkness. Optimism is a shallower kind of blanket over things where the self is not invested. Optimism says, things are bound to get better. Hope trusts that you will be able to make them be better.

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It is interesting to note that the authors proclaimed that "it's particularly American" to avoid talking of death in the society, which I thought it was only the Asian (especially Chinese) who would like to avoid talking about death. Now I would need to rethink this proposition, and definitely it's NOT particularly American to avoid talking of death in the society, but in general.

Then, on "hope and optimism", I have to admit I don't understand what the authors are trying to elaborate "Optimism says things are bound to get better. Hope trusts that you will be able to make them be better." Do you understand?

It was one of last summer's early morning, something as early as 4:30am that my photography buddies would like to wandering around in the streets of Vancouver when nobody was around, or more precisely, when only a few people are around.