The Mind of The Teenagers Today!

I watched a News program produced in Hong Kong, interviewing two successful persons today and their views on today's young people's view towards work and opportunity. Both of them, almost of same opinion that, they prefer to be born in today's Hong Kong as the economy are much bigger and opportunities are much more today versus the ninety seventies in Hong Kong. Then, it's about the mindset of the teenagers today that their level of endurance of work challenges are much less than before, and even assisted by their parents. There seems only a few youngsters who have the right mindset and are willing to endure pressure and willing to work harder in order to achieve more than their peers fellows.

Reflected on above, I was looking back at my work life as well as a few of my fellow friends and classmates. Indeed there are opportunities that we faced (during the eighties and nineties) which are no longer there, e.g. the open-door of China and our ability to bring in latest technology and products to mainland China. Meantime, it's almost indisputable that at the time, any person like myself, seems don't know "how to complain". We basically worked and worked, and for both the solution and the results, the goals. We seldom stopped and looked around of us and complained (and delayed our actions).

In my occasion, I tried to engage young people in order to get a better feeling of their mindset. They obvious grow up in a different environment, basically more comfort than what we had during our time. It's not that they cannot endure work challenges, or that they easily complain. It's mostly their mindset is developed with a different social background than ours. They have also witnessed success without paying much effort, e.g. in financial and investment fields.

Life (and work is part of the life) is full of challenges and pain and sufferings, and it also contains rewards and happiness. Main thing is to walk through it and enjoy it while you can. Endurance of pain  can train and grow you stronger. We shall not purposely avoid pain, but when pain comes, let it educate us and teach our body how to accept it.

(*This photo is taken by Edward.)

Early Morning Trip to BCCA!

It's good to set off early for the day, especially anyway I need to take the medicine at early hours. Esther and I set off by 7:15am while the sky was still dark and it\s so nice to observe the sky slowly getting brighter and finally, like this morning, the sky is totally bright and everything is so so nice. By the time we finished our radiotherapy, it's not even 8:30am and we are already start heading home and arrived there before 9:00am, still enough time to watch the morning Hong Kong news (and the latest episode about a big name, Dr Ho in Hong Kong and how his 4 wives and many children trying to get hold of his wealth, even before his death).

My breathing, after Qi Gong Master Hong's help for a week, has improved a lot. Now I can basically breath in and out without much obstacle. Swallowing is still an issue, but now my choice of foods have increased a lot and you may imagine me basically eating every now and then, like non-stop ... the energy level, from my own feelings, also improved. Okay, muscle of the body still weak and coughing still there from time to time, but the feeling, which to me is the most important thing (more than biological) is great!

Again, I want to thank you friends and relatives, you are all so great and without your prayers and love and care, I don't think I can come this far! I am gifted to have you guys with me and please keep me in mind as I shall continue need your prayers and supports in the days to come which I shall try to recover and further improve! Thank you!

Home Sweet Home!

Yesterday I was allowed to be release from Vancouver General Hospital and return home. It was also yesterday that I started my latest radiation therapy on my sine and throat. It will take 10 sections over 2-3 weeks time and then I shall proceed with my chemotherapy which was kind of half-way done (as first infusion was done before the spine surgery. It was stopped and shall start again after the radiotherapy.

You may still remember that I am having he swallowing problems. Coming back home, a lot of options immediately opened up, e.g. now I can mix fresh fruit with yogurt, I can do congee with meat and add my Chinese sauce to it, and I can try even new type of thick juice. Since yesterday, I observed that I have increased eating. To make my mouth more comfortable, I have my Chinese plums. I don't eat them, but simply keep them inside my mouth and make my mouth waterly. I can walk around the house and trying to take care of my own body with the help of Esther and others.

The greatest, now I am home and I can be with my family members everyday. Olivia and Leo, and then my Mom with my brother Joey. Irene is coming from London to join us in two days time. She was planning here for long as for the Chinese New Year coming up. We are going to have a family reunion and everyone will enjoy that gathering together.

This is the post that I can do it myself, yes, using my own netbook and make everyone's life easier. I continue to make progress in my breathing (and swallowing) and it's really great feeling to make progress everyday.

This morning Esther and I set off early for the 2nd radiotherapy treatment. Morning is always so fresh. The below photo was taken when I returned home, it's before 9:00am, was you up yet?

Again, friends and relatives, thank you again for your prayers! It works well and I am glad I am here so far. Although I am down at only 120 pounds, but my spirit is strong, as strong as ever!

Nothing you possess is eternal! Except the love and the memory. Everything else will vanish!

When you have a few minutes and look into life. What is life? Babies are born; some by happy parents but some don’t bear a clear reason and would starve since then. You can see it on the news all the time, yet the same incidents repeat everyday. Parents give birth to their own babies without giving them the love. Of course, there are many adorable parents who give birth to babies of their own, and have been loving them ever since. All the respect and adoration goes to these parents.

Then what is life? We grow up everyday, we learn new knowledge, new skill. We play different roles in the society, we take up new challenges and we contribute our work in various ways. We also enjoy our life, our happiness and our sorrows are shared. If we are lucky, we would have an extended family and friends, people that come and love us. They do whatever for us without really concerning about what they get back. At a certain stage (no one can be certain when or what age) disease, sickness, or accidents may strike us. On the statistics, 40% on cardiovascular, 33% on cancer and the rest on various reasons, e.g. accidents, other diseases etc.

Some obviously will die with less pain while others die of more pain and suffering. But it’s not up to us to choose. And circumstances show, different people have different preferences. Then, of course, the end stage of life, i.e. Death is merely the other side of Birth! They are the two sides of same corn. Birth came when Death is attached and will come with it. On record, we have not seen yet a human life is born without death.

So what do we get from life? Come with bare hands and go with bare hands. Nothing is in between. My friends, if I can say something here: It’s the Love, It’s the memory that maybe your life is unique, and eternal! In the hands of God, we Trust! Miracles are here!

Everything is related!

Long is related to short. Pain is related to joy. Happiness is related to unhappiness. Knowing is related to ignorance. A mountain of million years is related to a tree of thousand years is related to a human life of a hundred years and is related to a flower which lives by the day and hours. Comparing my life with the life of Earth makes it seem extremely short but comparing it with a flower, I am long lived and I can make every possible flower on Earth jealous. "How can you live that long?" But then how should we measure our life? By its length? Or by its achievements? By its quality? Or by how many friends he made by day? Or simply by contrasting one life with another, and then conclude that "Oh! your life is better because you have done more with it in the same length than I have."

To me, every life is unique! We are all different. Even though everything is related to one another, and everyone is related to another life, we are still unique.

As soon as cancer hit us, we seem to focus more in the length (quantity) of our life versus the quality of our life. We try very hard to find ways so that we can life longer. Meanwhile, we may have forgotten that we are sacrificing our quality of time. There are often debates which argue if an elderly lung cancer patient should go through a big lung surgery? It's hard to say as we never know what exactly is the result, or worse, it's often combined with emotional decisions and many other body conditions of the uniqueness of each individual. Or using me as an example, I came for the spine surgery in order to have my pain under control, but no one expects that complication here is my swallowing issue (in fact al the doctors still say it's a mystery) In circumstances such as this, we have to "stay cool and start learning" again. Learning how to take care of our body.

*Canucks played a wonderful game last evening. It was 3-3 all the way to the playoff. It was the last (3rd) score when Luongo covered the puck with his full body, but his body rolled into the goal line and finally the judges said "it's a goal" when most of the audiences like me still didn't even see the puck. It was a nice try!

You always have a choice! Always!

My case of "swallowing problems" now became an official mystery. All the professionals involved, after the big meetings and small ones, came back and said they don't really know what happened. They did offer me alternatives, such as drinking "thick" liquids in order to avoid risk of choking. Eating solid food is not possible, neither is consuming thin liquids a good idea. To go further down, they may also offer me alternatives such as adding a feeding tube directly to my intestine. This means the food will go straight into my intestine without me knowing the taste.

It always amazes me how little knowledge we have on our own body. We have been living with the same bodies for centuries long, and technically (and biologically) I doubt it has changed even a tiny bit structurally. And yet there are so many things about our own body that we don't know. Every knowledge is so deep and wide.

Last evening there was an interview about a father, whose daughter, aged 13, committed suicide a few years back. He wanted to come forward and speak up and to warn the Chinese community in Vancouver about "emotional wellness". Be more sensitive and caring to the kids, or your spouses. This kind of news always saddens me. As you can imagine, each day there are people struggling their way through the hospitals. They suffer for various kinds of pain, different degrees of pain, many different types of uncomfortableness and even some mysteries, perhaps an unknown case of swallowing problem.

If ever in the future, you think that you may have ran out of options, think again, as there is always a choice just around the corner, and a choice just in front of you.

White again in Vancouver

Vancouver was covered in white again. My hospital bed is facing the direction of Granville Island and therefore I get a spectacular view from my room. I am sure a beautiful scenery from a hospital bed can help in stronger recovery. Those that did not have beds with good view shall stay strong and thus a strong recovery.

After being in the hospital for 2 weeks, most of the muscles start to get weaker and I need to start working with them and get them stronger. Yesterday, I started to drink the thickened water, but meantime I should not drink too fast in order to avoid choking, keep in mind that my major complication now is not to allow food/liquid to go into my air wave. The swallowing is taken slowly, almost like one sip at a time, and then allow the one sip to get to the stomach one at a time, so that I can swallow enough nutrients to keep me for the day, i.e. the energy that allows me to go for longer, and then longer. My body after all is my body. Obviously, some liquid are easier to swallow than the others, while some are tastier than others. The good news is that I can still "taste the tastes", and I can still "feel the texture of the food". Keep in mind only two days ago, it was me who cannot swallow and who do not even know the taste of a specific food item.

Global TV is promoting a campaign and a couple goes for it. A woman of 31 suffered from Terminal Stage IV cancer entered the competition. Her husband and she look great and are adorable. Their two kids, like many others, seem happy and trouble-free. Actually some of these shots gave me heart-breaking moments. Then, when I kind of settled and caught a few breaths, I told myself, "Everything will be okay!" Leave it to the hands of God, everything is going to be okay, one way or another! Compared to other fellow cancer patients in the other parts of the world, we are indeed the more lucky ones.

What we are doing now is: "stay strong, maintain our high spirit, work closely with the medical professionals and exercise and prepare our body for the key major challenges that will come our way in the near future.

It's difficult and nearly impossible for us to win God! We need to be gifted by Him if a miracle can take place. But what's important here is to open your heart wide enough, so when God grants us the miracle, we will be ready to accept, rather than sheltering ourselves away and having poor preparation.

Friends and fellows, I'm trying hard (as you can see) to walk to the other side of the challenge. No matter what the result will be, thank you for sharing the voyage with me as itself is an enjoyment. A joy!

How is it like if you haven't eaten or drank in the past 2 weeks?

If you lived long enough, you would have come across sarcastic real-life stories that are either ridiculous or impossible to bear. For example, a world known liver expertise who had a minor cut in the surgery, got infected by hepatitis and was killed in one week. A world class stuntman who jumped between cliffs of thousands of miles in height, who walked down his front yard, only six or seven steps, head first, hit the ground and broken his neck. He died instantly. The story list can go on and on. The key message here is, no matter what happens, there is a cause and there is a way to come. A lot of people (before and after us) have tried to avoid things to happen, or may have wanted to change the result to a more favourable term. Either way we failed.

My advice to you is "Let It Be!" If you go deeper, you failed by trying deeper and harder. The result was not deviated a bit even if you tried extremely hard to alter the outcome. But still, back to the first point, it simply remains the same as before. So, why move in the first place?

This morning, another modified swallowing test was performed. The performance has marginally improved, but among us, we discussed in detail what options lie ahead of us? If i am unable to swallow and sent home, I am basically eating less and less and one day, wasted totally and I die. Or the doctors prefer to have a feeding tube on me, directly to my intestinal area so nutrients can be supplied and I can be strong enough for cancer treatment. The risk of bone fractures are always there, as this time around, my cancer mainly affects my spine and ribs.

Breathing these few days have improved. I am so grateful that God has given me the opportunity to breathe (again), whether it is a light breath, a short breath, a luxurious deep breath, or my most enjoyed "yoga breath." I am also grateful that God has allowed me to swallow this afternoon, whether it is a short swallow, a harsh and hardened swallow, a swallow that you may not like, or a big swallow of turkey potatoes mashed with a full tea spoon. Everything is a great joy!

For your ease of translation, below is my lunch menu (and its translation):

Starter: Lobster bisque (heartland vegetable soup)
Main: Thanksgiving turkey with world wide green on the side (hot turkey sided with mashed turnips)
Dessert: Lemon pudding
Drink: Nectar-Orange Juice served with thickened water.

You must take the special note that all these dishes are for real. I actually drank and ate them. And I shall continue to go this direction.

Improvement is a process. It can be done day-by-day, or week-by-week. We must not rush, as rushing may not bear any meaning. More importantly, try to encourage those beside you to take care of others. Try to make this a better world. It's such a beautiful world!

The Whole Idea is to "Live Normally"

People in developed countries, or in well established medical system countries may not know how lucky they are as they did not experience what others may have gone through. Not only is getting a medical treatment considered lucky, the medical professionals are also important, mostly with good and responsible mindsets and the willingness to always go an extra mile to make you more comfortable when you are lying in your sick bed.

Medical management is never easy. Some things like care and love are difficult to be trained in, but it's the most important part of the whole operation. In the past 20 days, I witnessed first hand the differences between good and bad medical professionals. Imagine you are lying in bed and in the middle of the night, you need to go pee-pee. For those that are sensitive and considerate, they will try to set up everything to your convenience. It might considered to be common sense for some people, but for others, this can never be achieved.

Working at a hospital is a very highly pressured job. As you cannot control the workload for any moment, and keep in mind that there are additional and quite some load of paper work. Records inside the file can go for many inches thick and practically no one can read through them all. Then, almost on a daily basis, there are new patients checking in. There are certainly a tonne of things to write about that I see in a hospital, but today I like this statement. Dr. Lee, who operated on me, is an excellent doctor. He is filled with love and care and is always willing to spend more time to answer your questions, or more to remove some of your concerns. (And explaining these to non-medical people can be a difficult task.)

My spine and ribs and chest bones are filled with cancer cells. Like this time, my spine made the slightest complaint and caused bone fractures on my C2 bone, which then lead to the decision of this recent spine surgery. The whole idea, Dr. Lee said, is to try to get back your normal life. You might not want to do anything on the bone fracture and imagine that it will only confine you to your bed and waste your days away. Although there will be bone fracture risks at other spots that may need to be fixed in the future, let's deal with them one-by-one. The key is to have you, the patient, benefit in life and try to live a normal live as much as possible.

Dr. John Wu of BCCA visited me today checking on my body condition and he would like to get started with my radiotherapy soon in order to contain some of the cancer cells.

Thank you for all your love and care, I am gifted to be taken care of.

Life is about tests, and then more tests!

I did not pass the swallowing test this morning. There are a few things they gave me to try out and in front of the x-ray machine, you can actually see yourself swallowing. Or more like it's the documentation channel, to show some negative image of someone trying to swallow. The purpose of this test, is to make sure that we can swallow properly and not to push the fluid or food into your lung. Because once this happens, a lot of complications may take place and pneumonia is one of them.

The Doctors and professionals don't really have an idea of what is going on, except that they are discussing among themselves what's the best way to go after this. Then, as you can imagine like in Europe, or Asia, more tests and then more tests. This also equates to a longer stay at the hospital.

There are quite a few things that one can do at the hospital. I shared the room with a few roommates already, they come and go, and this one, still with me is a young man. It's amazing that he had a surgery two days ago and now he is already down his bed and he is planning to check out. (Of course, I didn't tell the guy that I am also a Cancer Patient and that my bones are also cancerous) When I am walking through the process this time, I would say, "I am multi-tasking", i.e. trying to get a few problems/issues fixed all at one time.

Life is about staying strong and being optimistic, keeping your head high and working with people of the professional nature, so together positive energy accumulated and overcame the difficulty.

Is Road of Suffering the Road of Recovery? Or More? Out-live Where You Are Today

I must admit that there were a few posts in the past two weeks in which I didn't even remember what I was posting. I was lying in the bed and writing, and just kept on writing, and then Esther would check with me on what I have written earlier, I would forget and would need to second guess the content.

Staring from these few days, as the knowledge that I learn about myself and the ability to communicate with the medical system, some conditions, or at least the comfort level of my living improved. Also I spent most of the day sitting upright and doing some simple exercises, e.g. moving the arms around, moving the legs around, and keep good activities with my muscles so that I can survive and go longer.

My dear friends, my problems in the past 2 weeks, especially after surgery, are really on: "swallow correctly", "breathe nicely", and "eat properly." Do they sound simple and straight-forward? And these are things that I am sure you have taken for granted. But if you dare to exchange our position, then you will immediately be able to appreciate all these simple things in life. Again, the Blogger is about learning from death, how the dying process is like. Thus we can learn how to live everyday and live it to the fullest.

A lot of you have called Esther and sent your regards. Thank you. I shall update this Blogger as frequent as I can. Again, the centre is NOT me, it's you and how you live YOUR life to the fullest.

January 12th, 2011

This morning when you wake up in Vancouver, you will discover a new layer of snow on the ground. It is not the first time in this winter, but indeed like a few of you may agree, it gives you some form of pleasantness.

Esther waited for the snow to dissolve before she set herself off to Vancouver General Hospital in Vancouver. A few friends offered their ride to take her here, but she has chosen drive by herself. Actually driving in this type of weather sometimes can be very pleasant.

One point I would like to draw your attention that writing a blog during this time is more difficult than previous. I now need to write down the blog content, give it to Esther, carry it back for Olivia post on this blog.

Then, of course, everything is becoming more difficult as now I have my swallowing difficulty and that this afternoon I have my feeding tube to be installed. Something will take it for granted easily until you cannot do it anymore.

This afternoon, Esther helped me count the followings, now I have these tubes attached to me:

1. 24 hours oxygen monitor

2. Nostril liquid feeding tube

3. Anesthetic pain management pump

4. 24 hours I.V. infusion tube

5. Yankauer (suction tube for mucus or saliva)

6. Urine catheter

7. 24 hours nurse ring bell .......

What a list!

Update After Surgery

The surgery in Vancouver General Hospital (VGH) went well between 8:00 p.m. of Jan. 7th to 1:30 a.m. of Jan. 8th. The doctor had originally wanted to perform the micro-precision surgery, but unfortunately that was not possible and I had to go with the "traditional" way of the surgery. The difference between the two is the size of the seizure width.

I was out of the surgery early in the morning, but I was having some issue and was not transfered back to the ICU until around 6:00 a.m. In the past two days I continued my journey to learn and being educated about how to "breathe" and how to "just relax and breathe naturally" When we breathe everyday and every hour, we never realize how we breathe. For example, using mouth in, mouth out, nose in, nose out, or nose in and mouth out, should we have deep breath or not, like in Yoga or in Qi Gong.

Today I have made some good progress but a few procedures are still required to make sure that I can swallow naturally. We will continue to work with the professionals.

The spirit remains strong. (why not?) Thanks to you, and everyone out there who showed me and my family your support, care and love.

Thank you very much!

Relationship Between Trust and Miracle

My CT scan and bone scan for my body were performed on Dec. 8th, then the superficial radiation followed by the new chemotherapy drug on Dec. 22nd. I'm not quite sure when the bones (spine,ribs, etc) started to become so fragile, but something as small as a cough, sniff and even as simple as incorrect standing posture when I brush my teeth can cause me fractures in my bones and therefore a lot of pain. For example, it was about 2 weeks ago that everything was working normally, which included a fantastic Christmas Eve gathering among friends and family.

After a few pain management attempts, I still was unable to reduce the pain in anyway. A visit to BCCA was made yesterday with the pain management team. After various consultations, the case was referred to the Vancouver General Hospital (spine section) and it is confirmed that the C2 bone is fractured and a surgery is required today (Jan. 7th)

Any decision bears its pros and cons. Any surgery will have risks attached. The community is about division of work, and trust among the members. We need to trust the hands of God as well as the capability of our medical professional team. There are little that we, as a patient, can do. But don't underestimate the power of trust, i.e. the trust in God. The trust in the fellow community members and the trust in yourself. This trust is a positive power and can take you very far. As far as a miracle needs be.

I may not get up from the bed afterwards (paralyzed), or I may even die from it. But friends, keep the trust between us, and I shall see you at the other end (when I wake up tomorrow) No matter where!

The First Day of 2011!

Today is the first day of year 2011, more precisely, 1st January, 2011 the Saturday.

Everyday is a beautiful day and you may decide how you are going to live, say, for today. Some of us decided to sleep in, while a few others already reached the ski top coming down twice, while a smaller number of others, decided to jump into the cold water. Yes! The Polar Bear.

To make myself, being one of the Polar Bear Dippers used to be one of the tasks I wanted to do (before you die). Now judging on my current physical condition, the chances of getting this done is bit remote but still possible ... Like you said, you never know, anything is possible.

On the other hand, there is a list of things I do everyday. Thank God for another beautiful day! Thank God for the chance to allow me to live another day! Thank God and ask Him to teach me how to live (better) everyday! Thank God to educate me how to live happily everyday! Thank God for another day of today which is always beautiful! Thank my Loved Ones, families and friends which exercised all their love and care on me! ... ... (I purposely make them look alike but they are all different ones. They made you dizzy, didn't they?)

Everyday is beautiful and life is beautiful! Thanks everyone and thank God!