The Fear of Death!

Since my story appeared on the front page of Richmond Review on 27th May, 2010 (last Thursday), I received quite a few emails, as well as people came straight to me in the streets, who told me about their stories and experiences. Most of them have their own family members, in the past or now, are facing death or died, but their family members were unable to manage their own emotion at the end stage of life and thus it makes the dying process very painful and suffering for both the person and their family members and friends. With direct and personal experience through such process, they agreed with the ideas that we shall make the death and dying an enjoyable process. However, most of them still have the question of how to overcome the fear of death? If their family member, the one who is facing death, is feeling depressed, what can be done to help them release their depression? Both are very good questions, meantime, I also hope that you aware that both are very big questions and one can easily consume the length of a book to address them. But in short, allow me to try to provide you with short answers.

The Fear Of Death: Death is the biggest fear of life! If you can overcome the fear of death, you can overcome any other fear of life. The fear of death usually rooted from two reasons. First is the unknown of future, i.e. the unknown after death. Second is not exactly a fear, it's actually more of a concern of unfinished businesses, e.g. what would happen to your loved ones, what if I am not around anymore, etc. A lot of dying people openly admitted that they are not afraid of death, but they simply cannot "let go" of the attachment and feeling of their loved ones.

For the first fear, the fear of the unknown future, being religious would make things easier, as most religions provided us with a pre-determined setup, i.e. we are provided with what it would be like after death, whether we are going to heaven or hell, or we are going to be transformed into another kind of animals, etc. For those that without a religion, it may be more difficult to overcome, and I would encourage you to look up at the sky, look into the Universe, look at all those glittering stars at night, some how you shall believe that there may be something for us after death, no one on this planet Earth can give us a definite answer, but the Universe is so immense that it is stretched to infinitive and simply have unlimited boundary, it may make you believe that there are always some place for you to stay after your death. It's true that we don't know yet where we will be, but just like every night when we go to bed, we will never know where we will be wake up from (or even if we will be able to wake up at all). So, just close your eyes and have a peaceful mind, and accept that we will be in "somewhere" after death. Nothing to fear!

On the second one, about the unfinished businesses. My suggestion or even encouragement to you would be then, using your limited time, your now, your this very moment, you should try to maximize what you can do. If you think you have not loved anyone enough, then try to love them more at your remaining time of this life. There are something that you would like to do but not yet done, then try to get the task accomplished. If you are worry that your loved ones may not be able to take care of themselves, or worries or concerns that you have in your mind, then talk to them directly or even start the planning with them. You will be surprised how well they can take care of themselves, and with or without you, they are still very capable to take care of themselves. In short, whatever unfinished businesses that you may have, try to finish them with the limited time that you may have. Then, you would have no fear, no regrets!

I am saddened to hear that some of the dying ones were transformed into a totally different person. They changed from a very positive and capable person, to a depressed and despair individual. They hided themselves, and they were so down and so unhappy since the time they are informed about their chronically illness. Some of them even give up possible treatments that may be able to save their life. In other words, their negative attitude is actually destroying their life and possibility of recovery! I know I cannot make miracles, but I would like to ask you one simple question: Assuming you have three days left, and there are absolutely no way you can prolong your earthly life for even one minute more, would you spend these three days happily and satisfactorily, or would you prefer to spend these three days in depression, worrying and filled them with your tears? (*Same question can also be asked to the living ones, especially in how they are going to treat the dying one. Shall we not try to make everyone in the process happy?)

The whole purpose of the Blogger is to seek openness in the community to talk about death and dying, and hopefully, through this, we can even make this death and dying process an enjoyable one. Cancer is really not a special word anymore. It's like a household term and again, keep in mind that 50% of us will be touched by it through our life time, and 30% of us will die because of it, what makes it so special then? Being a cancer fellow myself, I am fully aware about the pain (and sufferings) that it can bring, and the side effects that the drugs, the surgery, the radiotherapy and the chemotherapy may bring. But like every lessons that we had in life, "no pain, no gain" and it's really part of the process which no one can avoid. For those that we cannot destroy, let's accept it and let's deal with it! Rather than spending time complaining, let's spend the time and effort more constructively in finding solutions and approaches to make ourselves feeling better, to improve the quality of life!

Life is never easy! But if you purposely add more difficulty to it, it will only make it more difficult, and not easier! Right? If we can start to think it easier, we stand a good chance to overcome it and at least to make ourselves less painful through the process! Right? ... ... Cheers!

I am a big fan of museums. Wherever I visited, and as long as time allowed, I would like to visit some historical sites. There you usually find some ancient sculptures hundreds or even thousands years old. They are of all different shapes and facial expressions. Using this one as an example, which was taken in Yogyakarta in Indonesia, the guy is smiling (it's present tense I am using). You may want to ask him, "Why you are always smiling?" and he will continue to smile but he is not going to answer your question. He is smiling because there are really nothing in life you should be fear of. Life is a voyage and we should enjoy it as much as we can!