Words of Love ... When I am NOT around!

The email below (EXACTLY the same as it was sent out) recorded what's in mind at that moment. Betty, and others, are good friend of Esther. Behind the scene, during writing it, I was crying and my eyes and cheek were all wet. (*They are still wet now when I am writing this posting!) I had no plan to publish this when I was writing it, but then I thought may be it is also good, to show you, after yesterday's posting on our Wedding Anniversary Day, to show this to my family and friends also. So ... not only Betty and her friends can do this, but also YOU and many others can help me do this ... especially when I am NOT around. Thank you, thank you for doing this for me!

+++++     +++++     +++++
[Email sent on 18th March, 2010 at 4:21am to Betty and All.]

Dear Betty and All,

Thank you for your (and others as well) warmest regards and “big hug” … … your “big hug” almost make my ribs hurt … you notice? (*Hahahah!)

Esther and I feel gifted to know you guys in Vancouver, the feeling of being attached to one another, the feeling of being cared and loved by each other.

Surely you would agree that between Esther and I, I got the easier “job”. (And this is final now!) I am the one just lying down and being taken good care of. Meanwhile, Esther is the one who needs to work super extra hard and still need to bear all my naive (sometime unreasonable) requests. More, when the time is up and my body expire, I will be checked into a place where no pain and no sorrow. Esther will be the one remains and continuing the daily tasks  WITHOUT me on her side, like what we have done in the past 23 years (and possibly a couple of months or years more counting from today).

So, Betty and All, can you guys promise me to continue to support Esther when “my day is done” and can you guys commit that Esther can always turn to you whenever she is weak and need a helping hand? Can you keep telling Esther and remind her that my love to her did not end the day I depart, right the reverse, my love to her grow exponentially since that day as I will be in a place without pain and sorrow, I can love her with all my efforts and focus. And as now I am at a place of eternity, …like the song’s say: “My love for her (Esther) will never die … …!” … … (*Using my name, you may add any other nice phrases and songs that can help sooth Esther’s emotion, but please take note that my style of expressing love is usually “traditional and conservative”. Hahahah! A “gentle hug” usually is better than words.)

The first radiotherapy session started yesterday (17/March) and soon be followed by chemotherapy. Yes, you can see from my blog that I am staying strong and positive and I surely will try my best to keep this direction.

We are also looking forward to meet up with you guys at a later time (and when treatment plan gain some ground). For now, we want to focus in maximizing the treatment result and the quality of living (e.g. reduction of side effects, etc.)

Thank you again and keep in touch!

Yours, Matthew

[This picture was taken in one of our trip to Butchart Gardens in Victoria. This is actually the kind of roses with same color that we used for our wedding, and ever since then each year, I will send a bunch to Esther's office and she will then bring it home. Did you see the tear on the flower?]