This is my mother! Her family name as CHOI, and first name as Yee-Fai. In Chinese, it's actually a boy's name. May be this is also why she is so strong in character. She is 76 years old now though her exact birthday is not known which is quite common for people at her age, as she was borne during war time in mainland China, a place near Shantou City of Guangdong Province.
My mother is a Cancer Survivor! 17 years ago, she was diagnosed Colon Cancer and a surgery was performed. Luckily, the cancer did not spread and now she is staying fit and well. At the beginning, there were some struggles in bowel movement. With consistent everyday exercises and a cautious diet, she perform most daily functions without any issues.
When she learnt about my news this time, she was sadden. Like most of my friends, she tried to find answers to WHY this happen to me. And obviously, none is able to find the answer, except some self-fabricated thoughts. Yet, still leave them unsatisfied! Instead, I encouraged her to focus on more useful daily tasks, e.g. during the time at the hospital, ask her to cook congee and soup for me, talk to me whenever she feels like, and accept "It's upto HIM, up there, to define the length of my life!" though we shall keep ourselves strong and positive in attitude and to prepare ourselves for the next more challenging stages of treatment. I also try to make a daily report to her, usually first thing in the morning, regarding what happened to me yesterday and what is going to happen to me today. I usually elaborate my first-hand feeling so to allow her "to feel what I feel". Then, as we both live very close to each other, she visits my Home Care Unit at her pace and we can then spend more time together. We often sit near to each other, chat about small stuff, a lot of eye contacts and a lot of smiles on the face.
Seriously, I don't think we should handle this "Death & Dying Process" anything different than our daily routine. Other than the fact that I am sick and I am not able to perform certain daily functions, doesn't mean we have to deal with daily life with drastic differences. After the news is digested and calmness returns, you will find out no matter how hard you struggle (or sadden), it doesn't bring any values to the process. Rather, if you can treat it as a daily routine, and try to "normalize" the whole process, with some adjustments, AND plan ahead of time, anticipate what you may need to go through in the near future, you will be surprised that everything can be very plain and calm. And "Tomorrow is just another day!"
[This photo was taken in September 2009, in Hoonah of Alaska. Early one morning we were wandering around the cruise waiting to disembark. As you can see from the picture, she is so calm with a little smile. So peaceful, so beautiful as a mother ... my mother!]
Morning Matthew, I must salute to you again for treating your "situation" as another normal day routine. It takes a lot of courage and positivity to do what you do.
ReplyDeleteI know when sudden incidents comes into our lives we usually get lost, loose our pace and bothered by it. Everybody face these incidents differently and can easily tell others to treat them the same as everyday happenings but as a saying goes...it is easily said than done. Everyday we are all learning about life and how to deal with unexpected issues that comes into it. But with your encouragment, I will try to be easy on myself and take each day as it comes with a positive take on life. Thanks Matthew.
This my Dearest Mom too... =P After she knows that Matt's going through, she choose to be on top of things like Matt's foods and soups and little things like that... Should I rather say she's very focus in whatever she can do to make Matt at ease... As a almost "Single Mom" ('cos my father was a Sailor and usually he was only home once and/or twice a year when we're young)... I admire her determination and strength from the past and now... Brought up Four of us and turn us into a good person we're now... Yes, she might make wrong decisions before under certain circumstances... But, remember, we're ALL just another human being... Love you mom, Joey
ReplyDeleteDear Matt, you are truly courageous and inspirational! I love you my little brother.
ReplyDeleteYou have captured the very essence of Mum - a very kind but determined lady; we know where we get our tower of strength from!
Mum arrived in HK with me in 1959 (or maybe 1960, when I was 3 years old!) not able to speak any 'guangdong hua' as we came from Shantou where the native dialect is 'Chaozhou', but Mum managed to communicate with the locals. She went through the hardship in the 60's & 70's with four hungry children to feed and look after; but always showed us the love and care; she soldiered on for her children hoping that we would have a better life than her own. She is not afraid of facing life challenges, as an English saying goes: she 'takes the bull by the horn' and deals with it.
Thanks for talking about Mum Matt, she is the true inspiration in our family! Lots of love