Sweats ... Listen to Your Body!

Today is my fourth day on the new drug Tarceva. Yesterday I felt some stress on my right kidney and also the left chest (attached to the skeletal ribs and muscles). Then, in different times of the day, when I was resting in bed, sitting, and especially when I was eating, I had a lot of sweats. The sweats just come out without any pre-warning. Like what I described yesterday, the sweats were more like dripping of water and made everything it passed soaking wet. The blood pressure was checked during those times and they were usually okay (low 70-80 to high 105-115 range), while the heart beat rate usually on the slightly high side, i.e. >90 or even >100. Body temperature would be normal 36.3'C to 37.8'C. Then, 5:30am this morning, I woke up with whole body wet, from head to toe, from front to back! Everything was wet ... wet with sweats!

As I got this "sweating" issue for almost two months now, which I also reported to the doctors in BCCA, so far, all can be said is "You situation is unusual! The sweats are probably cancer related, and it may not be a bad thing!" Do you understand this comment? Or if this comment bring you any "useful information"? I also checked through the internet and through various professional websites, the National Cancer Research Institute in US and similar one in UK provided some good food for thoughts, but mostly it's pointing to the direction of hormonal related, especially in breast cancer and prostate cancer. In my case, I am lung cancer and migrated to spine and other organs (unless it is a signal that my cancer migrated to some hormonal organs).

No matter how advance our medical sciences are today! There are always something that we cannot comprehend (and thus no firm conclusion to be drawn). We must also understand that each individual is indeed different, their body system as a whole is similar to one another, but yet they are different as an individual and obviously, different individual reacts differently to both inside and outside factors.

What's important (or even critical some time) is that we need to take good care of our body. We need to respect our body, listen carefully to him/her. A few days ago, in my Facebook wall, I wrote: "Your body has been working for you all these years, when did you thank him/her?" More often than not, we take it for granted that our body is part of us and we did not even want to pay attention to her/him. Or usually until it's too late then a more drastic signal to be sent, e.g. cancer, stroke, heart failure, etc. Then, like they say, it will be "a little too late"!

Everyday, take a moment to communicate with your body and try to listen to your body, especially if there are anything that you may need to do for your body. Serious problem usually starts and comes from simple and minor indications. Like a lot of disasters in human history, if we are careful enough and pay sufficient attention to the little signals that we were provided, disasters can be avoided and many lives and Mother Nature can be saved!

Take good care of yourself and your body!

What Happened Last Evening?

My body condition was quite okay yesterday. I took the shower in the afternoon and then had a short rest by 5:45pm. Then, I was planning to watch Game 3 of Second Play-Off between Canucks and Blackhawks starting 6:30pm. It was dinner time and I set around the table with Esther and Olivia, all of a sudden, my body started to sweat. The sweating was more like dripping of water, uncontrolled. The sweat just come down from the head and the upper body and made everything on the way wet. Respecting the body that this was a "clear signal" of something not so good, I decided immediately to lie down in my Home Care Unit and allow the body to rest, with the expectation that the body would take care of itself and get over this issue (of unknown and uncontrolled sweating).

So, instead of watching Canucks trying to gain ground in their own turf, I was resting on my bed and allow the body to regulate itself. "Thank you my body, just relax and try to recover!" About an hour and a half later, my sweat stopped and my body temperature also returned to normal range and I got up slowly and managed to watch the last 8 minutes of the Third Period. Only then I learned what happened last evening with Canucks, and I recognized that this game must be painful to watch. The result 5-2, the Blackhawks took Game 3 and now leading one game in the Play-Off!

Life is full of unexpected events and often than not, it's difficult to plan ahead of time, and even more difficult is to try to stay firmly with the plan, especially with my body conditions. Instead, I would encourage we just "go with the flow" and listen to our own body conditions and "live with it". Guaranteed, there are uncomfortableness through the process and there are ups and downs everyday, but the best way still is "go with the flow" and allow the body to regulate itself!

Canucks surely need to try harder this Friday in Game 4 in Vancouver. No matter what is going to happen, I would suggest not to worry, and just "go with the flow"! Just enjoy every minute of the game!

What Is Going To Happen? (An Update!)

Canucks of Vancouver is going to meet up with Blackhawks of Chicago this evening in Vancouver for the third game of the Second Play-Off. Canucks were doing well in the first two games. Anything can happen this evening and no one know for sure yet if Canucks can win in their own turf, and then also this coming Friday, and then possibly this Sunday (in Chicago) and it is going to be really fun! Let's continue to cheer them up and looking forward to watch more games this season! Certainly, I do hope Canucks can make history, i.e. the Stanley Cup final! Everyone is aware that this is a controversial issue and I better keep my mouth shut from here.

Back on my update: I returned to BCCA for routine consultation early last week in order to assess my body condition for the second round of chemotherapy. Most of the indicators were okay except that certain (unexplained) side effects and "stresses" of my body did not give the doctors much comfortableness. Therefore, they decided to order for more checks, e.g. X-ray, additional blood check and CT-Scan, etc. This Monday (3/May), my chief oncologist was consulted and after some good discussion, we decided that I should stop my (first) chemotherapy treatment and proceed with the second line treatment, which involves an oral drug called Tarceva. It is a new drug and the side effects, mainly skin rash, apparently is quite tolerable. I started taking the (new) drug yesterday morning and now under careful monitoring of the side effects (as I joined the clinical studies of same) and all I can say is "So far I'm doing fine!" As the pain management is still a critical issue for me, especially this directly related to my body condition and living quality, I am working on it carefully. So far, I am still on long-acting morphine twice a day!

Esther and I visited Save-On Food in order to explore if there are any new food items that we can try on. We bought a few new items and then starting yesterday, we started the experimenting of mix-and-match! Tastes and choices of food definitely improved (or at least widened).

Nothing can stop us to learn and to improve! Provided we are willing and we are eager to take the first step (of learning and improving), there are a good chance that we can make certain things change. There are always risks attached to the "trial & error", like one of the soya sausage that we bought was of extremely bad taste and we decided to throw it away. It costed us $4 for the pack, which is a calculated risk that we can afford to risk and waste! But this risk (or waste) should NOT be laid in front of us as the obstacle for us NOT trying to improve. No pain, No gain!

I personally find this exploration and improving process very enjoyable and the return/reward is well worth it! My dear friends, please take special note that you don't need to be a cancer fellow to think like me. Being an ordinary person, I encourage you to strive for learning and improvement everyday! It's fun and it's very enjoyable!

Nine Thumbs Up! Today with OMNI TV News (Vancouver).

The weather today is so beautiful! The sunshine is charming and blissful. Today, my Home Care Unit received two guests, Ms Fiona Law (Reporter) and Mr Richard Tang (Cameraman) of OMNI TV for an interview.

If you are following this Blogger, and as you can see from the photos above, now we have NINE thumbs up! It's really a joy to receive all these positive feedback and energy from the community and then using the same positive energy that is received to further promote and multiple to reach even further, especially to those who are suffering from similar situation and still struggling in asking questions of "Why?" and "Why me?".

I actually would invite and encourage YOU, yes, YOU, to play a part in this process as well. Spread the ideas of "facing death & dying positively and openly" and allow your Loved Ones, family and friends to enjoy this process: To live everyday the fullest! Cancer is really nothing to be scared of. He/She has come and allow him/her to "live with us well" and we should also "treat him/her well"!

The interview will be aired this afternoon at 5:00pm (Cantonese News Program) and shall be repeated tomorrow morning at 8:00am (also Cantonese). And there will be a web link on this news clipping in www.omnibc.ca. (Though I am not sure if the Mandarin News program will cover same.)

Let's enjoy our everyday and let's take one more step for the betterment of our community and ourselves ... promote the ideas!

Six Thumbs Up! Today in Ming Pao Daily (Vancouver Edition).

It was on 27th April, 2010 that I did a posting in this Blogger titled "Three Thumbs Up!" covering the interview done by Metro News. Within less than a week, another local (Chinese) newspaper, Ming Pao Daily Mr Austin Feng interviewed me yesterday (2nd May, 2010) afternoon and published the story today (Page A9). It is also confirmed this afternoon that another local media, OMNI TV will pay a visit to me covering my story tomorrow (4th May, 2010).

All these activities, in additional to my oncologist consultation this morning in BCCA which is leading me to a different direction (and I shall cover it in my future posting), are charging me up! Keeping me occupied (not exactly busy though) and energized. The sense of doing something meaningful and promoting positive messages actually make me (and my family and friends) feel good. Some of them are actually more excited than me, sending emails to their contacts, calling friends, or even help me do the wall posting on my Facebook, etc. Hahahah! But what I would like to emphasize here is really on the key messages:

1) Let's face and talk about "Death and Dying"! And by talking (openly) about death and dying to provoke us, our Loved Ones, family and friends, to think how to live better today (this moment) and to it's fullest!

2) Now that Cancer is with us (directly and indirectly), let's try to "live with it" and let's try to "treat it well"! Let's live positively with him/her and try to make the best out of it! (*Let's not ask "why?" or "why me?" as these questions will NOT lead you anywhere and will only consume your energy. It's better to spend the energy elsewhere, e.g. to improve the daily living quality and your own body conditions, etc.)

Today's posting titled "Six Thumbs Up!" as last time we already have "Three Thumbs Up!" Thank you for all the supporters and readers of this Blogger, thank you my colleagues, especially Eileen Lao, Public Affairs Manager in S.U.C.C.E.S.S. in putting me in touch with Mr Austin Feng of Ming Pao and Ms Fiona Law of OMNI TV (and possibly a few other medias in the future). Thank you for help promoting these positive messages for the betterment of our community! 

Birth and death are two different stages of ONE process, we should celebrate birth as well as try to enjoy our death - the end stage of life! Cancer is one of many reasons that causes human death. Cancer is one of the many diseases and sicknesses that can lead to human death. If we can look at them plainly and take it as "our every day life", there are really nothing to be scare of, or to deny! Rather, we shall enjoy our everyday, every minutes of our life, and live to it's fullest!

A Beautiful Morning in Spring!

Taking an unexpected "vacation" from the second chemotherapy cycle, which now pending the oncologists consultation tomorrow (3/May), Esther and I decided to alter our daily routine a bit to fit in a morning walk this morning. Not too far from our house, but at least enough to exercise my lung as well as to seek (moderate) improvement on my immobility.

The sky was cloudy and when we were ready to leave, it started to drip. Not enough to make you wet, but enough to keep some "tears" on your jacket. To play safe, Esther decided to come back and fetch for an umbrella just in case (which proven her decision is correct again).

Morning air is always fresh! It's (one of those things that) money cannot buy. Being out in the open air is such a wonderful feeling, though a lot of people may not recognize. I do understand ... you mind are occupied by something more important, e.g. the next appointment, an important left-over issue from yesterday, a deadline to meet, etc. For me, I have nothing more important than my Here & Now, I have nowhere to rush to (and keep in mind that no way I can rush myself due to the immobility). At this very moment, all I need to enjoy is the being with myself, with Esther, with the air, the trees, the flowers, the rain, etc. Being what I am being!

This is the pine tree in front of our house. The photo is taken this morning! Very fresh ... Hahahah! Six years ago, it was at a height of about 1.5 meters, and today, it's more than 2.0 meters tall. As you can see, the light green is outgrowing the darker green pines, while there are still buds coming out from the tips. This is really the force of life, especially in spring time. New is replacing old and this shall continue endlessly. No matter where you look, you can see a lot of life forces prospering and surrounding you!

I am so glad I have the chance to see various creatures of God growing so strongly this morning. Each day when I open my eyes, the first thing I do is thanking God for giving me another day to live! (*Please note I have this habit long before my encounter with cancer.) Everyday is an enjoyable day! Thank you!

Paper Boats - Spread of Dreams!

Below is Paper Boats written by the world famous Indian Poet Rabintranath Tagore in the book of The Crescent Moon (1913):

DAY by day I float my paper boats one by one down the running stream. 

In big black letters I write my name on them and the name of the village where I live. 

I hope that someone in some strange land will find them and know who I am. 

I load my little boats with shiuli flowers from our garden, and hope that these blooms of the dawn will be carried safely to land in the night. 

I launch my paper boats and look up into the sky and see the little clouds setting their white bulging sails. 

I know not what playmate of mine in the sky sends them down the air to race with my boats! 


When night comes I bury my face in my arms and dream that my paper boats float on and on under the midnight stars. 

The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading is their baskets full of dreams. 

This poem stimulated quite a number of authors around the world to write different texts but under similar line of thinking.

This Blogger (which you are reading) started 8 weeks ago, with a simple idea in mind is to do "something meaningful" for the rest of my life (no matter how long it is), a simple objective "to talk about death & dying" and how to make this process easier and rewarding for both the dying and the living ones. Then, for myself, is to leave something behind for my loved ones, family and friends to read/memorize whenever they would like to (so from time to time, the postings have details of happened and inserted with photos of the day).  

This exercise turns out to be such an enjoyable process!

This Blogger now becomes the important communication tool between myself and to my friends (or friends of friends) and actually save me a lot of time and energy in answering individual enquiries/phone calls. It help me directly connected with most of you as you are free to either do the comment posting on the Blogger, or choose to send me your feeling through ordinary emails. I also treasure a lot that you all have provided me with unlimited positive energy, be it a sharing of cancer survivors' story, an encouragement from cancer fellows, a tip of a healthy information, or simply a pad on the shoulder and say "keep it up" or "we are praying for you"!

What I did not expect and slowly it is evolving are other activities that were stimulated by this Blogger:

A few of the readers decided to start their own blogs, friends (and friends of friends) are re-discovering their meaning of life and family values. In a few occasions, I was told their marriage and family relationship improved and even the kids start to be more mature and treasure their time with their parents. I am so touched by all these "news" that you are feeding me!

Regarding the other more creative and dynamic activities that are yet coming out, allow me to hold for the moments all these "interesting developments" as they will be posted here in this Blogger in the near future.
I am so glad that this Blogger can have such wonderful echos from you and ... ...

When night comes I bury my face in my arms and dream that my paper boats float on and on under the midnight stars. 
The fairies of sleep are sailing in them, and the lading is their baskets full of dreams.

[This is The Pearl of the Orient - Hong Kong, my birthplace and original home town. It's very attractive at night as many lights shine and lit the Victoria Harbor.. I don't know whether my paper boats can survive that far to sail from Vancouver to Hong Kong ... but let them float ... let the fantasies flow ... all the way from Vancouver to Hong Kong!]