Progressing ... Slowly!

Today is the last session (of total 10 sessions) of my latest radiotherapy. The other treatment shall continue. The complication on my swallowing and other issues are making improvement, but slowly. Esther and I met with more doctors and it is apparent that among the doctors we received different, and sometime even conflicting messages and reasons of what happened. I went as far as the Internet can go, and without exhausting myself at this critical stage of recovery (as the priority remains on my cancer and body health), all I can say is my knowledge in this direction has increased and provided me more food for thoughts.

Pain is still under control, which is crucial. Food quality, hydration intake, and daily activities and quality increased, except that blood pressure is little low and special caution is needed in getting up and even the speed of walking around.

Families, friends and relatives are still providing their prayers which are continuously needed and please keep them coming. The road ahead will surely take more, or even much more than expected, require and consume more effort and energy. As long as the head is up and spirit is strong, and confident in yourself, no matter what, we shall walk tall and destiny is always certain. No matter how slow the progress may be, the process is more important for us to live through, and better to enjoy. Believe me, I do understand, I really do, it's easy said than done, then yet, it won't harm to at least try another time, walk a further step, and even if we failed trying, what else are we losing in the trying process? Then, why not try?

A Short Report!

The third radiotherapy, 10 sessions, ended yesterday (7/Feb). Chemotherapy started today (last session was 22/Dec, then was the complication on the spine fracture, then the surgery, etc.) The next radiotherapy on the way starting probably this Thursday (10/Feb) and will be focus in the lower back, as it's been complaining for a few weeks.

Will have to see the spine surgery Doctor on Friday (11/Feb). Most of the complications remain, cannot swallow solid nor thin liquid, neck muscles and movement extremely tight, basically a few degrees up and down left and right. Sleep is difficult to be longer then half an hour, and changing of postures helps but will then be pain afterwards. No pain no gain!

Cheers everyone, assuming you should be enjoying every time you drink water, or can sleep well for longer than an hour ... And pain free! God bless!

Celebration The End Of Our Life!

I did not expect that when I was watching a Chinese produced movie, towards the end of it, a middle age very successful businessman had a rare type of cancer. There were a few dialogues exchanged about life and death. Then, they decided to host a End of Life Party, where all friends and relatives are invited when the dying person is there also to share his feeling. I was touched by a few shot of it and also some words now embedded in my head.

Personally, it's a neat idea to have a End Of Life Party. A gathering for everyone to join, to share, to grief and to farewell. There shall be more memories that simply remembering a man passed away, and the dead man has no way to defend others memory! (Hahahah!)Let me chew with this idea (also mentioned in Raymond's comment over the weekend). Will surely let you know how I am going with this idea, if body condition allows me time to do so.

The Meaning Of Pain and Suffering!

Vividly, I remember there was an article written by a Taiwanese writer. She classified pain into various types, small, medium, big, and super pain, and then short, middle, long, and pain as numb, etc. She was suffering from "glass bones" since her teenage, and she has been living with pain since then, until the day she died by the sixties. The news (or merely rumor) said that she was actually killed by her Indonesian maid, who was so fed up taken care of her and kicked her on her chest without knowing this could actually kill her, and she did. Even at this page of her life, she showed her forgiveness and told the paramedics who was sending her to the hospital that it was her that fell down and trying to forgive her Indonesian maid who actually was emotionally exhausted and kicked her by accident. She wrote every word with much more effort that us, due to her breathing issue and her body conditions, but she continue to write and her publications and books, and more important her spirit had encouraged a few generations and many people around the world. Reading her articles are such an enjoyment!

What is the meaning of pain and suffering? Many religions offered their reasoning. Some worth digging deeper into it and some, in my point of view, just taken as par value. To me, it's more of a relativity issue. If we may pause and think for a moment, most of our life time, if you are willing to think in this direction, are filled with happy or at least "pain free" time. Okay, we may have a flu occasionally, and we had a headache. We may even over-drunk ourselves and have a hang-over. but in general, most days we are in a state of "pain-free" condition. At such a state, you would never asked what is the meaning of pain and suffering. Only when you are suffering from it, like me now, that you may want to dig deeper into it and trying to find meaning of what you are suffering from, or if at all, if there are anything inside them. Honestly, I don't have a clear answer now, and I am still eagerly looking into it.

Share with me if you have any good thoughts on this.

 

This beautiful flowers are provided by Sheena, delivered to my house by David.

Gifted By God, Nothing I Need More!

Yesterday evening (2/Feb, 2011) is the last day of last year in Chinese Calender, and it's the dinner that we spent with family as a reunion (or Thanksgiving in North America). You may watch in the news how Chinese all around the world celebrating the Chinese New Year. As for my family, it's a relatively simple but heartwarming gathering. My Mom cook a very nice meal, filled with delicious and all the dishes of our favorite, and then we all gathered together and have a very nice time together. Irene, as told earlier, came all the way from London of UK, and here she is, sitting right in front of us, enjoying time together with us.

Then, today, Joey and Irene came to my house and we had a few very good conversation. One topic, among many other topics, is about my funeral and what should I plan for it. They provided their opinions and we had a very opened and sensible exchanges on the subject. It's wonderful that we can discuss of such serious subject with such an ease atmosphere. It's really great!

Kenneth, my nephew in Hong Kong called me this afternoon to wish me every best. I burst into tears not because of sadness but because of happiness. Kenneth borne when I was about 12 years old. He was part of teenage time as he lived with us. Later on he made his progress in life and it's about 8 years ago he established his family, and now he has a great wife, a beautiful daughter 7 years old and a boy 1 year old. Looking at his son, it reminds me of Kenneth when he was young, they are almost of the same face, and more important always laughing. Kenneth also found his career now in the interior design industry and have done a few very successful project. This part of his talent inherited from Joey. It is beautiful and made me so happy. And I am in tears ... of happiness!

Happy Chinese New Year of Rabbit!

My beloved ones, family, friends and relatives,

Thank you for everything that you have provided me, especially your love, care and prayers. Without them, I don't think I can come this far.

This is a time to celebrate with family and friends, to meet with old ones as well as new ones. More, the focus is in celebrate life, the most precious thing we all have, once and thus enjoy it well. Treat your beloved ones generously, forgiveness is the greatest gift. Hold their hands and tell them how much you loved them, don't wait as you never know when will be the next time, the next opportunity that you can say same/similar things.

It's also time to remember those who passed before us. The fact of life is ... we are all going to die ... one day! Thus, there is nothing to be worried about, ... rather, it's time for us to celebrate today ... today our life!

God bless and enjoy life! We all live once and why not enjoy it while we can?! Agree?

Thank you again!

Yours, Matthew
This photo is taken by Edward.